


Closer

by myticanlegends



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish is a Stubborn Idiot, Break Up, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myticanlegends/pseuds/myticanlegends
Summary: Ronan loved Adam so much that he thought he would spontaneously combust with every smile he sent his way. Every touch was something cherished. His heart was about to burst out of his chest with affection. And after so much hopeless pining and drinking, the distracting thrill of racing down abandoned streets and throwing glass bottles against the ground just to watch them shatter, Adam was his.More accurately, Ronan was his.But things fall apart quicker than expected, if they expected it at all, and it's not that easy to fall out of love even after years.





	1. Break Up

Ronan loved Adam so much that he thought he would spontaneously combust with every smile he sent his way. Every touch was something cherished. His heart was about to burst out of his chest with affection. And after so much hopeless pining and drinking, the distracting thrill of racing down abandoned streets and throwing glass bottles against the ground just to watch them shatter, Adam was his.

More accurately, Ronan was his.

Ronan was still in overload mode and Blue thought it was the most hilarious thing.

She cackled when Ronan was physically unable to prevent himself from smiling when Adam reached for his hand on top of their usual table at Nino’s. He turned slightly pink every time Adam placed a kiss on his cheek and Blue would smirk. When Ronan was around Adam, he felt his shaved head and intimidating tattoo were rendered useless defenses against the fluttering in his chest.

Jesus, he was supposed to be an asshole. No one was supposed to like him. Ronan was supposed to be intimidating in the same way his tattoo was. He was supposed to be unapproachable and smug and fierce. He wasn't supposed to melt every time his boyfriend (boyfriend, Ronan said, and it rolled off his tongue pleasantly) even so much as brushed their shoulders together. He was such a fucking sap. Ronan plastered on a facade of rolling eyes and scowls that seemed to fool everyone but the ones he was trying to fool.

Adam loved Ronan. He could tell in the way Adam glanced over at Ronan as if he could quite believe it either. It was through all the casual touches and the late night kisses. He went so far as to open up even more to Ronan. 

He told him that when he was six, his father first hit him after losing his job. Adam had forgotten to pick up his toys. He told him that at first his mother had always looked away. Sometimes, they were almost a happy family. His best memory of them was of him at the state fair and his parents had scavenged up enough money for him to win a stuffed dog. Adam’s father had cruelly thrown out the stuffed dog a week later and said stuffed animals were for girls. He wished his father was dead. He missed his parents sometimes.

The Unknowable Adam Parrish was hardly unknowable to Ronan.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The beginning of their relationship proved they both had no idea what they were doing. Still, it didn't stop Ronan from taking Adam’s hand whenever he felt like it or brushing shoulders playfully in their seats. Adam was more hesitant and each touch given to Ronan in return was thought out and unwasted.

Ronan had a “take what you got while you have it” philosophy. Adam was more of a “careful because it might end”. Completely different takes based on the same idea. That it wasn't going to last.

Kissing was a unspoken wedge between them- when would it be appropriate, what is the other comfortable with, can we kiss in front of Blue and Gansey, can we kiss in public?  
Ronan was sick of it and yet didn't want to push Adam into doing something he wasn't comfortable with. 

The tense air between them was at its worst when Adam visited one of the Lynch family dinners. 

“Boyfriend,” Declan blinked as Ronan first announced the news. 

“Cool!” Matthew had grinned beside him. “I'm happy for you two.”

Ronan couldn't help but grin back at his little brother who offered him a fistbump in true Gansey style. Adam received on as well.

“I'm starving,” Matthew said afterward, already brushing past them and to the kitchen of the Barns. “I'll help set the table. I expect to hear how you two got together during dinner!”

Ronan’s grin slipped away as he noticed Declan was still standing on the porch. He looked to be in serious deliberation. Ronan raised his eyebrows challengingly from where he was leaning against the doorway in a mock pose of casualty. Everything depended on his brother's reaction. Adam must have sensed his tension from where he was standing a couple inches behind him because he heard an unmistakable, “Never took you as a homophobe, Declan.”

“I'm not,” Declan said stiffly.

“Why don't you join us for dinner then,” Adam said politely, nodding towards the kitchen behind them.

“I'd like to have a conversation with my brother first, if you wouldn't mind,” Declan said stiffly. Ronan's hands fisted in the fabric of his jean pockets.

“I mind,” Adam informed him.

“Go ahead and go right out and say what you're thinking,” Ronan added bitterly. “It's never stopped you before.”

Declan looked extremely frustrated. “I was only going to say that if you're doing this just to piss me off or something-”

Ronan was ready to murder him. “Is this something that would piss you off?”

“I don't know, Ronan! I can't find another reason behind it! What better way to rebel than by pretending to be gay and bringing home a boy raised in a trailer park!? It was bad enough when you got that goddamn tattoo and decided to spend your life running a farm but now this?”

“This?” Ronan repeated with deadly fire. “This!? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm not pretending? That maybe I'm not meant for suits and business meetings and not everything I do is for the sole purpose of pissing you off!?”

“But-” Declan started but Ronan wasn't finished.

“And Adam would be and is a better person to take home than any of those bimbos you always bring! He works for what he has, a concept I doubt anyone associated with you would understand. He's actually interesting and a hundred times better than anything you could ever come up with!”

Adam was staring at him when he was done. So was Declan but Ronan was less concerned with that than possibly Adam’s reaction. A hundred times better. They hadn't talked too much about these sort of things before and how deep their feelings ran.

Suddenly, Adam was leaning forward in a rare act of instinctual want and was kissing Ronan. Right. In front. Of Declan.

He could feel his cheeks turning red and heard a catcall from Matthew.

When Adam let go, they had both been reduced to hot piles of ash and built back up again. It seemed as if Declan was permanently immobilized.

“I didn't know,” he tried diplomatically when he regained his power of speech. Ronan was trying his hardest to pull his lips down to their resting, pissed off at the world position and found he physically couldn't. Adam, that bastard, was smirking,

“Obviously,” Ronan drawled.

“You didn't tell me you were…”

“Gay?” Adam finished helpfully. “Because if you need more proof, I can gladly show you again.”

Jesus Christ and Mary, Ronan loved this boy.

Declan was stammering for Christ’s sake, his face almost as red as the cranberries Ronan had worked into the meal earlier. “No- no, thank you,” he cleared his threat, straightening his back. “I think I got the picture. I, um… I'm glad you found someone, Ronan.”

“Thanks,” Ronan had replied dryly.

After that, the barrier between them seemed to be broken. Ronan kissed him whenever he felt like it was appropriate (and sometimes a little less so just to prove he could) and Adam did the same. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“I got into Princeton!” Adam burst into Monmouth with a grin that could start wars.  
Ronan had rolled his eyes because any school would have to be an idiot to turn down Adam Parrish. Anyone in general would have. His heart swelled with pride.

“Of fucking course you did, Parrish.”

Suddenly all of Adam’s attention and that shit-eating grin of his was targeted right at Ronan. Ronan couldn't help but grin back.

Then Adam launched himself over the few feet between them and they were kissing. Ronan almost toppled at the sudden change in balance and laughed as he righted them. He could feel Adam laughing happily against him as well.

It occurred to him later that Princeton was not anywhere close to the Barns.

He googled it that night and learned Princeton about ten hours away. It was a distance but it wasn't too bad. Ronan figured he could make it there in six.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

On the last day of school, they all piled into the Pig and drove. They didn't know where they were going but Gansey and Blue were in the front seat holding hands because Gansey was alive and Blue could touch all she wanted. Ronan and Adam sat in the backseat and for once weren't bickering about school or ambitions because right now there wasn't any school or ambition to deal with. 

They talked about everything. About the psychics at Fox Way and how Maura and Mr. Gray’s relationship was progressing sickeningly to Blue. They laughed as they pictured Blue’s family trying to peel Opal away from biting the couch- a common occurrence at Monmouth. They talked about driving all the way to Florida even though they were going in the wrong direction for that. Gansey talked about the latest book he read about early Welsh colonies because for some reason his interest in the subject had not waned. They debated about what Henry could be doing with his parents that prevented him from joining the make due roadtrip. Adam slept against Ronan’s shoulder as it got later in the evening and talk turned to nonsensical ramblings and dreams. 

Gansey eventually stopped at a hotel by the beach in Delaware which wasn't particularly notable but seemed to be exactly what they were looking for. Ronan, reluctantly, shook Adam awake and they all dragged themselves into the dark room. Ronan automatically flung himself onto one of the queen-sized bed and without prompting, Adam fell sleepily down next to him. 

Blue laughed, too free to be mocking, and she and Gansey claimed the next bed over. The couch that would have usually been saved for Noah was empty but no one voiced this out loud.

There were a couple minutes of quiet and waiting for the rest of the room to fall asleep. Thoughts were tangible and heavy above them.

“Do you ever wonder what’s going to happen to us now?” the ever-so-practical Blue asked into the dark room. Ronan couldn't see everyone's faces but he knew they were all awake. 

“Nothing is going to happen, Maggot.”

And in that moment it was true. 

Ronan could hear Blue’s eyes rolling but she approached the topic hesitantly as if she knew whatever was said couldn't be taken back. “Henry, Gansey, and I are going to Venezuela this summer.”

They all knew this but now it meant something different.

“I'm going to a local college, Adam and Gansey are going to Princeton, Henry to Yale, and Ronan is staying in Henrietta,” Blue continued.

“We get it, Maggot,” Ronan growled. “We’re not going to be in one place anymore.”

“Exactly,” Blue whispered and they were all as frightened of this than they had been of the third sleeper. Even more so.

“We’ll visit every time we can,” Gansey said in that way of his that made everything true.

“Adam and I will mostly hang out together anyway and you and Ronan… who knows what you’ll get up to but you're within a couple miles. Henry is right in the middle of us. We will be fine.”

He sounded confident but Ronan knew he wasn't. He was sure everyone else could tell as well.

“Princeton is so far away,” Adam commented softly.

“Ten hours,” Ronan interjected as if that was important. Because it was. They could deal with ten hours.

“Ten hours,” Adam repeated and he didn't sound as certain.

"We’ll be fine,” Gansey repeated.

They didn't talk after that but instead continued weighing down the room with unspoken thoughts. Eventually Ronan fell asleep and when he woke up Adam’s arms were wrapped around him as if he never wanted to let go.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You can't just buy me things every time I even so much as suggest I don't have the money for it,” Adam informed him furiously one day.

Ronan looked up from his messily strewn covers at the Monmouth’s latest intruder. Adam was standing over him, holding the current offending object between his fingers as if he was disgusted by it. Ronan was lazily sprawled in a worn black tank and bulky headphones blaring a mess of drums and something that might have been bagpipes.

Adam was holding a watch with leather straps and a shiny clock face. Brand new. Ronan had seen it in the store and couldn't help but buy it for Adam.

Mistake number one: Adam never accepted things paid for. Mistake number two: Adam would argue whether it was paid or not if it looked new. It was some sort of appearance thing, Ronan figured, where he would not physically accept things he didn't think he deserved and that included shiny silver watches. Ronan admired the fact that he was raising above Henrietta and the trailer park with his own hard earned merit. Ronan hated the fact he stubbornly wouldn't take a break and thought so low of himself.

He had left it in Adam’s car with the hope that if Adam found it when he wasn't there, he might not argue and then keep it.

“Then what's the point of being your boyfriend, Parrish, if I can't give you stuff?” 

“Just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean anything has changed,” Adam reminded him.

“Nothing's changed, eh, Parrish?” Ronan raised an eyebrow, letting his eyes wander.

Adam flushed and tossing the watch onto the nightstand. “Nothing economical,” he amended. “I'm not going to let myself be in your debt.”

“You don't owe me anything,” Ronan said.

“That's the problem!” Adam exclaimed. “You do so much for me and pay for our takeout and pull things out of your dreams! Whereas I… I can't do any of those things. So just- just let me pay for some things on my own. I don't need fancy watches or cars.”

“I never said anything about a car,” Ronan said innocently. “Damn, Parrish, you needy little fucker.”

“Are incapable of thanking this seriously!? Because I'm very serious. I want to be able to pay for things on my own. No more presents.”

“None at all?” Ronan said because Adam often took small things- snacks, lotions, a borrowed sweatshirt- without complaint. They both knew this. It was an unspoken fact that Ronan took complete advantage of. It had always been part of their ever changing relationship.

“Don't give me things I can't pay for,” Adam amended.

“What if I dream it?” 

“Nothing I can't afford,” he repeated.

“It's free.”

“But it wouldn't be for me.”

Ronan stared expectantly at Adam. Adam stared stubbornly back. They seemed to come to a silent agreement.

“Alright Parrish,” Ronan finally sighed. “Have it your way.”

Adam looked shocked. “That's it? That easy?

Ronan shrugged. “You're lucky I love you.”

Adam burst out in a grin that made the sacrifice worth it. He rolled on top of Ronan, straddling his stomach. Ronan found himself looking up at dusty hair and scarred tan skin and blue eyes that only rivaled his own. Beautiful. He found himself grinning back as Adam melted into him.

Black and green. A nightmare of a dreamer fusing with a forest contained within a boy. A hurricane meeting the sea. 

“Keep the watch,” Ronan said. “I already paid for it. I threw away the receipt. And I'm never going to wear the ugly thing so you might as well.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “We've got to talk about that too. Stop buying things just to pretend you aren't going to use it.”

“I can't help it if I always overestimate what I need, Parrish.”

Ronan felt rather than heard Adam’s throaty laugh as if he could stop it from bubbling out. 

“You're lucky I love you.”

“Damn straight,” Ronan said.

“Says you,” Adam said and as if to prove both his point, Ronan received a kiss. And another.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Adam's hands were workers hands, knobby but elegant in the way he would change out the oil of his shitty car or run them through Chainsaw’s feathers. Ronan liked to hold them, trace the bumps and scars. He liked to watch the way his fingers fluttered against his side and study the tan skin and the occasional sunspot. They were thin, almost skeletal, but with those hands one could build up mountains and forests. And yet, Adam didn't understand Ronan’s fascination with his hands. 

Ronan’s tattoo was all encompassing, stretching over his back and threatening to take it over. It was harsh edges and cruel beaks and talons in a forest of thorns. It whispered of secrets and soft feathers. It was the kind of painting that teachers would show students and say, find the meaning, and every year someone would be able to notice a detail no one else had. Ronan's tattoo was private, a representation of himself that everyone could see but never looked hard enough at. And yet, Ronan didn't mind Adam’s fascination with his tattoo.

Those hands of his, ever light and cautious, traced his back leaving goosebumps and warmth in Ronan's cheeks. Each black line was memorized with lazy fingers. Adam touched as if he were worshipping. His hand dragged along the slope of a tree and with every touch, Ronan felt the tickling of feathers and the rustling of leaves. He bore his soul to Adam in his tattoo and Adam took his secrets and locked them away in a box just for the two of them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Gansey, Blue, and Henry were in Venezuela leaving Adam and Ronan with lazy days at the Barns and nights watching the stars.

Most of the time was spent chasing a galloping Opal and pulling her off the couch as she hung on with her teeth. Adam laughed and Ronan scowled half-heartedly. 

It was only when the small goat girl finally exhausted and was carried up to her bed that they got time to themselves.

The first day, the two boys were too tired to do anything after but fall into bed themselves.   
The next day they took Opal out for gelato and went shopping. Adam made a joke about being domestic. Ronan wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

By the third day, Adam and Ronan found time after Opal had fallen asleep to watch tv.

“Hell no, Parrish,” Ronan said as Adam teasingly stopped flipping through channels on the Hallmark channel where a couple was currently in the middle of an argument that would most certainly end in a passionate embrace. “Do you know kind of shit plays on here?”

“No.” Adam said. “But I’m assuming it’s whatever this is now.”

They were both suddenly reminded that Adam probably hadn’t been able to watch any tv growing up in the double-wide. He never had more than the thirty channels required to get Hallmark. 

“I’m not watching anything that doesn’t have an explosion in it,” Ronan said.

Adam flipped through the channels again. No explosions appeared.

“We’d have better hope on the news channel,” Adam joked.

“Jesus, let’s just blow shit up ourselves.” Ronan rolled his eyes but wormed his way into Adam’s side rather than make any move to blow some stuff up.

Adam smiled and adjusted his position so that they were sitting hip to shoulder, their legs tangled together as they rested on the table in front of them. His head fell on top of Ronan's shoulder.

The Barns had never felt more like home.

Adam continued lazily flipping through channels with Ronan slowly drawing his hand through his dusty brown hair. Eventually the time between different scene drew further apart until it ended on some sit com and Ronan looked down at Adam. He was lightly sleeping, his breath shallow against him. Ronan ached with wonder that they could both be sitting here, with his hand in Adam’s hair and Adam’s head resting on his shoulder.

He didn’t move from his spot just in case it would wake him up. Instead, he cautiously took the remote from Adam’s slack hands and turned the tv off. 

“Ronan,” Adam said softly, almost too quiet to be heard.

Ronan looked down as Adam looked back up at him with barely open eyes. “Yeah, Parrish?” he said just as quietly. It sounded as if he hadn’t spoken in years.

Adam’s eyes flickered over Ronan’s face as if he were searching for something. Ronan watched right back. He took in the shape of his jaw, the soft of his eyes, the curve of his lips as he spoke.

“I feel like I’m in a dream.”

Ronan kissed the top of Adam’s head as his heart threatened to pound its way straight out of his ribs. “Sometimes I do too,” he admitted. 

Adam closed his eyes and made himself comfortable before speaking again. “Dreams end,” he said sadly, and he spoke into Ronan’s neck where both of them could barely hear the words.

“It’s a good thing it’s real then, isn’t it?” Ronan responded. 

Adam hummed lightly and when Ronan looked down at him again, he was already sleeping. Ronan, not very tired himself and less than willing to risk the safety of the vulnerable boy beside him, did not sleep. Instead, he pulled Adam closer and tried not to think of the implications of a dream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't supposed to happen at all despite the fact the back of Ronan’s mind was constantly saying it would. Adam was going to college hundreds of miles away and that was… that was happening. Ronan had the brief thought one day to ask Adam to stay but hated himself afterward. Adam had worked so hard to get to where he was and who was Ronan to stop him? So as he usually did when concerning Adam, Ronan Lynch, despite all temptation, would not be selfish. He knew Adam would hate him if he asked as well.

So he remained silent and let Adam pack his boxes.

His apartment at St. Agnes was small and its contents only filled a box or two. When Ronan had come over to help, he found that Adam had flipped over the box used as his nightstand and that was all it took. There was a shoebox in the kitchen that held countless objects Ronan had dreamed up for Adam. Small things he knew he would accept. It made him a little giddy seeing the box packed away as carefully as the rest of Adam’s possessions. 

“Are you going to help?” Adam asked as Ronan watched from where he was lounging on Adam’s bed.

"Nah. Just enjoying the view.”

Adam flushed. “You could still help out a bit.”

“And get up? Have you seen your shitty apartment?” Ronan asked. “You'll have it packed up and cleaned in fifteen minutes tops.”

As predicted, fifteen minutes later found Adam laying on the sheetless mattress next to Ronan where they had slept so many nights before. The room was empty besides two battered boxes in the corner.

“I'm going to have to drag out the mattress too,” Adam informed him but he made no move to get up.

“Later.”

Adam chuckled and flipped onto his side so he was facing Ronan from a couple inches away. Ronan could count study every shade of blue and gray and green in his eyes when he was this close.

“Ronan,” Adam said seriously.

Ronan said seriously back, “Adam.”

Adam took a deep breath and Ronan was suddenly worried for what he was going to say.  
“I don't think-” another deep breath. “I don't think I can do this long distance thing.”

Ronan studied him and those eyes that were so tantalizingly close. “I'm not moving to Massachusetts,” he said.

“I'm not saying you should,” Adam said and he waited for Ronan to get it.

Ronan understood right away.

“Are you breaking up with me, Parrish?” he asked harshly, rolling hastily off the mattress and onto his feet.

Adam remained looked up at him looking absolutely wrecked. As if it hurt him more than it hurt Ronan to do this. Ronan was suddenly furious because he had no right. Adam had no right to be upset when he was the one saying that he wouldn't even try a long-distance relationship. Adam had no right because Ronan was the one who had been love with him for what felt like years and he thought this would hurt himself more. And Ronan was also furious because he should seen it coming.

“You are,” he said in realization. “You're fucking breaking up with me.”

“You don't deserve-” Adam started but was quickly cut off.

“No. You don't not even get to tell me what I do or not deserve, Parrish, because I do rather fine by myself with that,” Ronan growled.

"Ten hours isn't worth-” but again he was cut off by Ronan who was seething as he paced back and forth, glaring.

“Worth what!? You? Trailer trash?” he hurdled his words like a weapon and Adam flinched, avoiding his eyes. Ronan didn't care. “When will you stop thinking you're so shitty? What if I want to drive ten hours to see you?”

This seemed to render Adam speechless until he whispered softly. “You shouldn't have to do that for me.”

Ronan gaped at him. “Jesus, Adam! Break up with me because I'm intolerable but not because you think you don't deserve it.”

“I don't think you deserve it,” Adam said. “I'll be thousands of miles away.”

“I know that!” Ronan exclaimed and he wanted to punch something. “It's not across the goddamn country and I'm willing to deal with it! Because believe it or fucking not, I’m goddamn in love with you.”

It was not the first time the words were spoken out loud but it was the first time he had spat them out as if he didn't want it to be true.

Adam stared and Ronan stared defiantly back. Ronan Lynch never lied.

“Ronan,” Adam said, clambering up to his feet, and Ronan waited to be condemned. He was only a couple inches away again. “Get out.”

“No.”

“I swear to god-”

“Careful, Parrish, you're in a church.”

“-I won't let you give up anything for me.”

“I'm not giving up anything! Stop being such a fucking martyr.”

“Get out,” Adam said again, slowly like a threat. It sounded like he had to force it out of his throat.

But Ronan couldn't give up or stop the flow of poison from his mouth. Because this was hurting Adam and it was hurting Ronan and there was no way it would end well. This relationship they had couldn't just be stopped because of something as simple as distance. Ronan could deal with distance. Adam could deal with distance if he just gave it a chance.   
Ronan wasn't sure if he'd be able to be fixed if Adam broke up with him tonight.

“Blue and Gansey are staying together so don't give me any of that bullshit. If you want an excuse to break up with me, you better think of a new one.”

“That's different,” Adam tried but Ronan was still snarling in anger.

“Oh really!? How so? Feel free to enlighten me.”

“They're true love!” Adam exclaimed and Ronan froze as Adam burst. “They literally have some fucked up version of some fairytale kiss to prove it. Of course they're going to make it but we-”

His brain must have caught up to his words because Adam froze like a deer in the headlights and Ronan felt like he was falling with no balance.

Ronan had never thought Adam and Ronan were part of this idea of True Love. Soulmates. He never even considered it or thought of it as a real concept despite Blue’s prophecy proving otherwise. So of course he had never thought it. But he had thought that maybe whatever they had was just as strong as Blue and Gansey. He had thought it was something. It was worthwhile and worth cherishing. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had thought that maybe he could live with Adam forever.

Apparently, Adam had thought differently. This was breaking up with him early instead of having to do it later in the inevitable future. This was believing they wouldn't make it anyway.

Ronan thought back to that night at the Barns where Adam had confessed that dreams ended. Maybe that had been his way of warning him. Had he known he was going to break up with him then?

He was right, it was no true love, but it meant something. That should have been enough.

“Fuck you,” Ronan spat and Adam had the decency to flinch out of Ronan’s personal space.

With that, he swung around on his heels and out the door with an unsatisfactory slam.   
Ronan got in his BMW and he drove and he drove and he drove. Scenery flew by him in a blur far past Henrietta. The speed distracted him from thoughts of Adam in his empty apartment and the shattering in his chest. For now he just let himself be angry.

He eventually ended up running out of gas in a field in the middle of nowhere. Ronan wasn't sure how long he had driven but the rising sun suggested a while. With his car out of gas, he had nothing to distract him, and he was too sober to be having these thoughts. There was no alcohol in the back of his car.

He let out a scream instead, tortured and tragic, because of course Adam had never thought they’d make it. Adam had his ambitions and dreams and calm with Ronan had a farm and a multimillion dollar trust fund and rage. 

After a couple minutes, he fell into his backseat and called Gansey. Someone would need to come find him.

When Gansey arrived, they attached a tow to the BMW because Gansey never had extra gas and started driving. They were both silent. It was clear from his pitying gaze that Gansey had already found out about Adam and Ronan's exchange. Ronan's throat was sore from screaming and he was brimming with overflowing red and blue and black.

“That night I told Adam not to break you,” Gansey said and it wasn't necessary to ask what night.

They both startled when Ronan started to laugh. Because there was nothing to break if something was already broken. Ronan had been broken ever since he found his father with his head bashed in on the driveway. Gansey had known this. Anyone who had met him before that had known this. Adam had been one of the few people who seemed like he could fix him.

Gansey let him laugh and then cry and didn't mention it. 

Ronan Lynch did not cry. He did not cry because when he did, it was a private moment.

When shared, it was trust. No one ever knew except people he let know.

Gansey was one of these people.

Adam was also one of those people but Ronan noted, withdrawn, that he might not be anymore.

When Ronan had run dry, he found that they were parked in front of Monmouth. Neither of them made any attempt to get out. 

"Adam called me,” Gansey said and Ronan stayed quiet because they both already knew this. “He's…”

Ronan understood. Adam was probably beating himself up over his words. He was probably kicking his very few possessions over in frustration. He was probably unable to stay in place. He was probably panicking about what Ronan was going to do or where he was going as if it wasn't his goddamn fault. Ronan wondered if he regretted breaking up with him or regretted causing Ronan to storm out. He hoped for both but knew it was the latter. Adam had made up his mind about the former.

He wondered how Adam had thought it would go down. Ronan could see no other ending then slammed doors and frustrated, clenched fists.

“He's a fucking idiot,” Ronan finished and Gansey hesitantly agreed.

“We leave for Princeton tomorrow. Are you going to be there?”

Ronan shrugged.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ronan stayed in his room at Monmouth all day as he listened to blaring music to drown out his thoughts. His phone would occasionally ring and Ronan casually hurled it at the wall until it stopped.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Ronan finally got around to replacing his phone, he found the following:

9 texts from Gansey

1 missed call from Adam  
3 missed calls from Declan  
14 missed calls from Gansey

1 voicemail from Adam  
6 voicemails from Gansey

Ronan deleted them all.

The next time Gansey called- apparently he had been calling daily- Ronan let it ring until it almost seemed too late to pick up until he did.

“Ronan,” Gansey said with obvious relief. 

“Gansey,” Ronan greeted.

“We were tearing ourselves apart trying to contact you. Adam thought it was all his fault. When you didn't pick up-”

“You thought I had drunken myself to death?” Ronan finished sarcastically. He didn't mention that technically it was Adam's fault. He also didn't mention that there had been a couple times where Ronan had been tempted to drink until he couldn't remember his own name. Each time he remembered Opal and reminded himself he couldn't be that person anymore. Someone relied on him.

“Something like that,” Gansey said guiltily after a short silence on the other end.  
Ronan didn't say anything to avoid a lie such as, I'm fine. Or even worse, a truth, like, I miss you.

“How's Princeton?” he asked instead after it seemed no one would ever say anything in fear the other would.

“Oh, it's wonderful!” Gansey replied with true Gansey vigor. “Did you know that some of the buildings here date back to…”

Ronan let Gansey’s voice wash over him as he closed his eyes and just listened. The rest of their conversation was mostly Gansey talking at him and Ronan humming in amusement whenever he felt it necessary.

When he hung up the phone, he felt, not whole or anything opposite the emptiness inside him, but better.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sometimes Ronan would sit on the couch and remember how many times they had cuddled and kissed there. When pulling up to Monmouth he would remember driving donuts around the lot with Adam in the passenger seat, laughing. Monmouth was where they had argued but also where they had dreamed. His room at the Barns held so many memories that it was painful to step into.

Opal recognized the difference in him and started dragging him around whenever he found himself falling into a pit that felt like it would drag him down forever.

They soon found there weren’t many places at the Barns that didn’t remind Ronan of Adam. Or anywhere they used to hang out at in Henrietta. So Opal ran around the house and dragged him on hikes outside of the Barns until he was distracted. Ronan appreciated it.

Blue visited every weekend and when she had first approached the topic, Ronan had yelled in her general vicinity. She looked disappointed in him as if she had been expecting a mature conversation.

Still, he had to give her some credit. She was distracting enough on her own to draw him out of any thoughts of Adam. And, he begrudgingly admitted, that he liked hanging out with her. Blue was a little on the wild side, quirky, and willing to simply race out of down in his BMW with no destination. Together they were a fine balance of stubborn rudeness and her soft edges compared to his sharp ones. Parrish definitely had a type. 

“All right, no more wallowing in self pity,” she decided one day as she marched into the Barns’ kitchen where Ronan had been seduced by the temptation of the six-pack of beer in the fridge and the porch where he and Adam had often found themselves sitting on starry nights. The house was haunted.

The beer was tossed and Ronan decided he wasn’t quite drunk enough to deal with this. He felt as sober as when he had started two bottles ago.

“Here,” Blue said, thrusting some bright blue yarn into Ronan’s hands. She held a basket in her own hands filled with a tangle of colors.

Ronan snorted. “I’m not doing a fucking crafts project with you, Maggot.”

“Yes you are,” Blue decided. “You need something to do because apparently taking care of the Barns isn’t enough to work on when I’m not here and Opal is taking her naps.”

“I don’t need a fucking babysitter,” Ronan said.

Blue fixed him with a look that said quite obviously that he did indeed need a babysitter. “I know that Adam broke your heart or whatever-” she held up a hand to stop his protest “-and I love him but he’s a stubborn idiot. And so are you. So, if you both continue with this, you need something to do.”

"I’m not fucking sewing,” Ronan said and it felt like resigning to fate.

“Good!” Blue said. “Because you’re going to be knitting.”

He suddenly found himself armed with two knitting needles and the bright blue electric yarn.

Blue beamed when he switched it out for a dark grey instead of simply putting the yarn away.

By the end of the day, he had made a crappy square of knitted yarn and Opal, who had woken up from her nap by the third stitch, was tangled head to toe with the rest of it. Blue was grinning and Ronan found the slightest tilt upward on his own lips.

“You'll get better,” Blue promised as she looked over the knots.

Ronan didn’t ever want to be associated with knitting again, especially anything resembling the bizarre knitted clothes Blue wore, but the next time she visited, she had more yarn and a special roll of pink just for Opal to eat or whatever the half-goat did with it. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ronan had a missed call from Parrish. He had been tempted to pick it up. He hadn’t.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was a week to Thanksgiving when Gansey announced that they were all going to meet up at Monmouth as soon as they were on fall break. Ronan found himself anxious.

It was the first time he was going to see Adam since he had left for Harvard almost three months ago. He had remained in contact with Gansey through the occasional calls and skype calls that Blue had dragged him in on. He hadn't remained in contact with Henry but hadn't really cared. Blue told him enough about him to satisfy any urge to know how he was doing.

But Adam… Ronan had counted the number of calls made to his phone since that fateful summer day. There had been twelve total which was a fair number if you didn't consider it had been eighty-seven days and counting and the calls had been made on only five different occasions, most a week into the school year.

So yeah. Ronan was anxious. 

He promised himself that this would not change the group dynamic. They would act normal.

Or at least he would try and act normal because he had this thing called Pride. Adam had no right to know how much the break up had affected him besides what he inevitably already knew. Besides, Ronan liked to consider he wasn't doing too bad. He had the Barns and Opal and Blue with her strange knitting habits. It was only when he was alone with nothing to do that things took a turn for the worst or that he would be tempted to grab a bottle of a pack of crappy beers and drink until he couldn't remember Adam’s smile or laugh or hands or how the memory of him seemed to linger in every corner of the Barns which he had previously considered solitude.

Seeing Adam on Thanksgiving, Ronan knew he was fucked. Because Adam looked healthier than ever and had a new haircut that was so Adam that Ronan was pretty sure he would die. College life seemed to be fitting him well.

Ronan set his expression into one of a permanent scowl and asked himself for the millionth time why he bothered showing up.

Gansey grinned at him and lifted his first in greeting and when Ronan bumped his own fist against it, he was reminded why.

There was a strange tension between Adam and Ronan that had never existed between them despite all their constant fights. Everyone dutifully ignored it and Gansey steered conversation like he always had before everything went to hell and Ronan and Adam were simply two friends who fought and disagreed.

It was nice, Ronan thought, to be among friends.

That is until his friends betrayed him and left him in a room with Adam. Ronan suspected they did it on purpose because there was no way it took three people to grab a couple pies that the ladies of 300 Fox Way had left them. There was no way it took this long either. 

Adam cleared his throat awkwardly. “So how are you?”

Ronan raised an eyebrow. 

Adam ignored this and seemed to genuinely expect an answer. Ronan wondered if he was asking because he knew he would only tell the truth. Perhaps the selfish, vain part of him was hoping Ronan was torn to shreds because they were no longer together. Perhaps he was asking because he knew it.

“That depends on why you want to know,” Ronan said.

“Because I care about you,” Adam said and the expression Ronan sent his way said exactly how full of shit he thought the statement was.

“Ronan,” Adam sighed and then proceeded to mentally struggle with himself over what he should say or perhaps how to say it.

“Adam,” Ronan said expectantly back.

“Don't make this weird.”

“I think we both know who’s making this weird, Parrish.”

“You've been ignoring my calls,” Adam stated.

“Maybe I don't want to talk to your ugly mug.”

This time it was Adam raising his eyebrow at him and Ronan mirrored him.

“Ronan,” Adam tried again and Ronan didn't give him time to finish.

“Adam.” 

This halted him for only a minute before he continued stubbornly.

“We’re still friends, right?”

Ronan didn't really know. He hadn't considered otherwise.

Ronan blinked in surprise. “Of course we are, Parrish. Why would we not?”

“Because-” poor Adam was still struggling.

Suddenly, when thinking of all the responses Adam could give, acting like they were still friends or saying they were seemed useless and Ronan felt all the anger that he had felt when Adam had first kicked him out of his apartment flooding back.

“Because I'm supposed to be heartbroken or whatever shit you think is coming up between us? Because yeah, Parrish, I fucking hate that you broke up with me and that was a shitty thing to do but I've been acting fucking civil all night even though I wanted to stand up and leave whenever you avoided eye contact over the dinner table. You're the one acting like there's something wrong and then you ask me if we’re still friends? Would you prefer me to be yelling and begging you to take me back because we sure as hell know that's not going to happen. Just because you can't handle it doesn't mean I can't.”

“I'm not saying that you can't-” Adam started and again Ronan cut him off.

“Yes you are.”

It was silent because they both knew he was right and Ronan was still seething. It seemed as if this was how all their conversations would inevitably end now.

“So friends?” Adam tried again.

Ronan appraised him for a second before answering with a shrug. He hadn't known they'd stopped be friends in the first place. Like Adam breaking up with him was one of those arguments that would end in sharing a pizza at Nino’s with the rest of the group.

He got the feeling this wasn't that simple but it was a good sediment to have.

Adam breathed sigh of relief. “Good.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Saying they were friends and being friends was a little different than theory. They still met at Gansey’s little gatherings he'd put together so they'd remain in touch and Adam would smile at Ronan sometimes and Ronan would burn up inside. Sometimes, he would catch Adam staring and sometimes he would stare back. It was always a little hesitant, something on the tip of their tongues, but never said.

Ronan was doing okay. He had Opal. He had Blue and Gansey. He even had those shitty knitting projects. Adam still came to visit every so often and even though it hurt, it was nice to see him. Ronan couldn't picture a life without him in it.

Sometimes he'd see Adam and would think, look how easy this would be. I'm not even traveling and you're still down here visiting. We see each other plenty. Enough for it to have worked.

That was when it hurt most.

It got him thinking that maybe Adam hadn't wanted to be together in the first place and used moving away as an excuse. It would make sense. Who would want to be stuck with a farmer in Virginia in the same town that he had been beaten by his father?  
Ronan let him go and acted like everything was fine whenever Adam was nearby.

Then Adam got swamped with schoolwork. He pushed himself into things like he always did. Adam got so involved that he could hardly visit poor old Henrietta anymore. He always sent his regards with Gansey but it was hard not to feel like it was partly Ronan's fault he wasn't showing up.

Ronan started selling products from the Barns in order for something else to do and for a little money he had made himself. He started rebuilding a little bit, improving what he could without dreaming. Opal was hard enough to handle and Ronan was tempted to enroll her in school.

Adam got a job as an intern for Princeton’s science research team.

Ronan got Declan to quit whatever shady business he was doing with the rest of Niall’s dream items.

Adam declared his major as aerospace engineering.

Some weird organic store in Carolina wanted to buy a monthly shipping of Ronan’s goat cheese.

They couldn't have been going more completely different directions.

It started with a couple months between meeting. And then twice a year. And then every year. By the time Adam was a junior in college, he had disappeared from Ronan's life.


	2. Make Up

Logically, Adam knew that he would see Ronan again. It wasn't that he was avoiding him, it was that it was kind of hard not to see him when they shared best friends. Not only that but some part of Adam seemed finely tuned to the other man’s presence, the curve of his tattoo around his neck, and the blue of his eyes.

Logically, Adam knew it was his fault for how they had ended. Ronan would have struggled through their relationship and any problems they might have had just to stay with Adam. Which is why he had to leave him. Ronan didn't deserve someone who would always be gone.

Illogically, every time he had seen Ronan after that, he longed to touch him or go back to how they used to be. He almost said the words so many times.

It had been years but knowing that Ronan was going to be at Gansey and Blue’s wedding, Ronan as Best Man and Adam as Blue’s Bridesman, made Adam forget how to breath.

It was ridiculous. Adam had pulled himself ahead by now. He had faced much more than an ex he had fallen out of contact with. He had gotten accepted by MIT for his masters degree and was going for a doctorate. He had a financially stable job and was offered a fellowship at NASA in DC. It should not be this hard.

But Ronan had always been more than an ex.

It wasn't that Adam didn't have any more exs after leaving Ronan. He had plenty. There were a few girls he had dated as an undergrad and a couple men as well. None of them seemed to last very long. Adam felt it was his fault in a way because of the way he was raised and the consequences of touch afterward. No one seemed to understand how large the effect could be.

Adam would hear a slamming book on a table and flinch. If someone raised their voice, he would go on the defense. Sometimes his significant others would approach on his deaf side and he would startle. Worse, they would forget it was there and just keep talking. Adam was loyal but maybe he was a bit much to handle. He felt like he needed validation constantly and then felt bad for himself and his constant pestering need for some sort of acknowledgement that what they were doing was worth it to them.

It had never been that way with Ronan. Ronan knew what to avoid and how to navigate him. The only time Adam had doubted his self worth was when he had broken up with him and then went off to college.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was at Gansey’s bachelor party when Adam saw him.

Adam had been finishing up on a project that week and had skipped out on the carpool ride over, arranging to meet them at the bar. He had ended up early as he often did most occasions.

But he was watching the door, on a stool near the counter sipping on a glass of iced tea, when Gansey’s group came in.

Gansey came first, disheveled and laughing, his arm thrown around Henry’s shoulder. There were a couple guys with him that Adam had heard were from his anthology program at the university who looked just as casually pretentious. And there, by Gansey’s other shoulder, was Ronan Lynch.

His hair had grown past its buzz cut and into a short curly fuzz of black. His form had become less jagged, although still sharp, and more open. He had somewhat of a tan, or whatever his Irish blood allowed him but he was more tan than four years ago, and Adam could see the distinct muscles of his form when he sprawled over Gansey to ruffle his hair.

He was wearing his usual pair of dark jeans and a black tank top, and as a surprise, a flannel tied around his waist, his tattoo still a warning to those not part of his select group of friends.

Adam took the minute he had before they noticed him to openly stare.

Because _goddamn_ , the years had done Ronan well.

“Adam Parrish,” Henry called from across the bar.

Adam could only bring himself to look away when Ronan's head snapped in his direction at the name.

“Henry Cheng,” Adam called back, hoping he sounded casual.

Gansey lit up when he saw him and automatically he was making his way over to the bar with a grin and sitting down next to him. “You made it! I was hoping you would.”

“Of course I made it, Gansey. It's your bachelor party. I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

“Long time, no see!” Henry cried, tossing his other arm around Adam.

“You're living in Portland, now, right?” Adam asked and Henry looked pleased he remembered.

Adam was then introduced to the rest of Gansey's friends and shook some hands, smiling, before he found that the only one left to greet was Ronan Lynch. Ronan was hovering right behind Gansey, his hands shoved in his pockets, and watching Adam like he couldn't tear his eyes away. When Adam met his eyes, blue on blue, it felt tense and electric.

“Ronan,” he greeted.

“Parrish.”

“Farm life is looking well on you,” Adam couldn't help but comment and only then did Ronan smile, a wicked grin with a promise of something dangerous. His eyes flicked up and down Adam’s form before meeting his eyes again.

“Nerd life looks good on you too, Parrish.”

Gansey’s shoulders softened and satisfied with the interaction, commanded the conversation to drink orders as they all piled around a table. Ronan and Adam’s eyes remained locked on each other's for a second longer than casual but then they followed Gansey's lead.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

This was weird. It was weird, wasn’t it? No, the weird thing was that it wasn’t weird when it should have been. Adam got along perfectly with Gansey’s colleagues and classmates, Henry Cheng was still as friendly as ever, and talking with Ronan had reverted back to six years ago when they had been friends on the verge of something bigger.

The party largely ordered various alcoholic drinks but when asked what he wanted, Adam simply held up his iced tea and no one questioned him. Adam wondered if Gansey had warned them beforehand. And then he didn’t have to wonder any longer because as it turns out Ronan, Gansey, and another one of Gansey’s friends, Fredrick, put in an order for a pitcher of iced tea for them to split.

When Adam raised his eyebrow, Ronan noticed and answered with a snort. “Don't act so shocked, Parrish. It's just iced tea,” which didn't answer Adam’s silent question of why but he didn't expect an answer anyway. Ronan never answered personal questions. Or, he hadn't until they were dating. Which they weren't now. So.

“How long ago was it that you quit drinking?” he tried asking casually.

“Five years?” Ronan guessed.

“That was when…” Adam faded off. That was when they were still in contact with each other, broken up but hanging out with their friends when they could, and when Adam started showing up only a couple times a year until he couldn’t anymore.

Ronan cocked his head like a challenge. “When?” he prodded mockingly.

“I never noticed,” he said instead of saying what he was really thinking.

“You never noticed a lot of things,” Ronan stated and Adam was left wondering what he was talking about until he continued. “Besides, it was bad for the kid. Gansey decided that we’d all be sober buddies but I think he’s always had a glass or two with Blue. I don’t know that Fredrick guy’s deal though.”

Adam ignored the idea of Fredrick. Although it was interesting, he was more focused on that he hadn’t noticed Ronan stop drinking. Or whatever else Ronan was insinuating. There hadn’t been much alcohol in their friend group anyway- that would explain how he didn't notice that bit. And Adam hadn’t visited enough to ask, or wanted to know, if Ronan was going on his binges again.

Had he missed something else?

He had the sudden realization that he had probably missed a lot.

Adam shrugged. “Good for you,” he said instead.

Ronan grinned, holding up his glass of iced tea in a salute. “Good for me,” he repeated before gulping it down like a beer.

Adam let out a short laugh and when he turned back to the group, Gansey was watching them. Face flushing as if he was caught doing something wrong, Adam took a sip from his glass to cover his face and reorient himself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You doing okay?” Gansey asked, pulling him to the side as Adam excused himself to go to the bathroom an hour later.

“Yeah,” Adam replied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

His glance over in Ronan’s direction answered every question.

“Gansey, it’s been six years since we broke up,” Adam snorted. “I’m fine.”

He moved to go into the bathroom but Gansey grabbed his arm again still looking worried. “Remember when I told you to be careful with Ronan? I shouldn’t have done that. I mean, I don’t regret it and we both know he’s less cruel than he makes himself out to be but I never thought about how a break up would affect you and-”

“Gansey,” Adam interrupted again. “Six years ago.”

“You changed him, Adam, and I think he changed you too-”

“And now we are better because of it and not only that but we aren’t together anymore. That’s okay. In fact, that’s most relationships and at least we got something out of it and moved on. It’s fine Gansey, we aren’t going to ruin your wedding because of dormant feelings or whatever.”

“Adam-” Gansey sighed and Adam lightly pulled himself out of his grip.

“Gansey. Sometimes people break up and that’s okay.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

So Adam lied. Or maybe he told the truth. When he said that they weren’t going to ruin the wedding with dormant feelings he had meant it as in there weren’t any feelings that would ruin it. That was the lie. Every time he saw Ronan’s crooked smirk and hear his sharp laugh, his stomach flipped. He wondered if that was normal. Ronan was his first love after all and there was bound to be something special about that relationship.

But he hadn’t lied because he wouldn’t let whatever he still felt ruin Gansey and Blue’s wedding. Ronan was laughing and smiling and that probably meant Ronan was over it. Who wouldn’t be? Six years after a summer romance with a dusty boy from a trailer park. Now they were back to being friends because it hadn’t worked out and he wasn’t lying when he had told Gansey that was okay.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Out of all of Gansey’s new friends, Adam decided he liked Fredrick the best. They had all moved from the bar after a couple drinks and because Blue had forbidden a stripper, not that they minded, they ended up scattered across a table in Gansey and Blue’s apartment playing Dungeons and Dragons. No one seemed to mind that either even if Ronan had rolled his eyes and called them all nerds before dropping himself on a chair and helping set up the game.

Adam didn't just like Fredrick because he didn't drink, although Adam found out that was because his friend had been killed in a drunk driving accident, but because Fredrick was also genuinely funny. Adam could see why Gansey had adopted him into his select group of friends. He came from higher money- of course he did, his name was Fredrick- but was down-to-earth and more intelligent than some of the men in Adam’s field of work. He was studying to become an archaeologist which Adam found both fascinating and predictable for someone Gansey was drawn to.

Unfortunately, Fredrick wasn't used to the group. Ronan in particular. The poor guy would quirk his head at Ronan’s comments looking a little lost and confused until Adam took pity on him and joked that this was Ronan at his friendliest. It most definitely was not. Ronan had glared.

After that, he stuck with Fredrick a bit to balance out the odd mix of all the different men in the group that Gansey had invited along from his department. As a bonus, he got to avoid Ronan and the resulting feelings that came from those particular exchanges and as a further bonus, he avoided Gansey who seemed to think there was something to be worried about between them.

“How often did you guys play this back in high school?” Fredrick asked Adam curiously as Gansey set out character sheets for all of them.

“Honestly?” Adam answered. “Never.”

Fredrick laughed and someone rolled a twenty sided die. “Recent development then?”

“He caught on very quickly,” Adam answered with a humorous twist to his smile. “Have you ever played?”

“Me? God no,” Fredrick looked appalled but not seriously so. “First time. Fun for me meant sneaking out into the local golf club. Have you? Played before?”

“Golf?” Adam asked wryly. “Or Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Dungeons and Dragons. Or golf. Whichever you prefer answering.”

“Never for either.”

“Oh? I'll have to invite you out sometime then.”

“You know of a local Dungeons and Dragons group?” Adam couldn't help but tease and Fredrick laughed again.

“No. Golfing. If you're ever going to be meeting people in politics, you've got to know how to golf.”

At one time, that would have excited Adam to be able to do something the elite were doing. Instead, he found it wasn't a very appealing idea. It made him happy to know that he knew what he was doing with his life and that it wasn't just to make connections to something more.

“No, thanks,” Adam couldn't help but smile. “I'm not too interested in politicians. I'm studying aerospace engineering.”

"Aerospace engineering?” Fredrick asked, surprised. “That sounds very cool, what do you-”

Someone cleared their throat very loudly next to Adam and thrust the dice out to him. When he looked over, he found Ronan with his eyebrows drawn and his narrow mouth tilted downward in a scowl.

“Are you going to take the goddam dice, Parrish?” he asked sharply. As soon as Adam caught his eyes, Ronan dropped them into his hands then jerked away to glare at the table.  
Adam managed to trap the dice in his palm before they fell to the ground and raised an eyebrow at Ronan. He couldn't have been waiting that long to pass along the dice.

“Sorry,” he apologized anyway without really meaning it and carefully he followed the instructions Gansey gave him to complete his character. After he was finished, the dice were passed along to Fredrick who also stumbled through the motions.

As the quest began, Gansey laid out an intricate plot involving magicians and demons, while Adam, Fredrick, and another man in the group began to figure out the rules and limits to whatever it was they were doing.

As Henry was taking his turn and Adam was looking over his character sheet like a puzzle, Fredrick leaned over and whispered, “Don't worry. We'll figure this game out together.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As it turns out, Dungeons and Dragons games lasted longer than Adam thought. Gansey had explained this was going to be a short quest but it seemed to Adam that any time their adventure group got anywhere, Gansey would just throw more monsters at them to fight. Adam was really sick of his character staying back to heal the others and doing short ranged melee attacks.

When the final battle was finally set into place and they all gathered to decide on a plan to kill the demon, it was nearing two in the morning and yet Adam had never seen a group of men so serious and awake as they strategized. Gansey looked so pleased at how this had turned out that Adam swore he was about to set an official weekly Dungeons and Dragons meeting for all of them.

“Someone roll for intuition, let's see if there are any traps,” someone suggested.

“Adam,” Gansey delegated. “That's you.”

Adam was already rolling. A fourteen.

“The gate is rigged to set off alarms for the nearest goblin squadron,” Gansey announced boldly.

“So we have to find a way to get around the gate,” Fredrick said with a nod, looking over the layout.

“No shit,” Ronan growled.

Gansey shot him a glare and Henry commented excitedly, “Let's launch my character over the wall to disable the traps!”

Everyone at the table groaned. “Dude,” someone said. “Stop with the halfling catapult idea.”

“No,” Adam said, holding up a finger as he studied the board seriously with the rest of them. “That would work. And if we throw Henry, we also gain stealth points so there's less of a chance of being detected.”

“Yes!” Henry cheered. “I got this guys. Just get Fredrick’s character to toss me over.”

Ronan scoffed. “Why Fredrick’s?”

“He's the strongest in the group,” Adam commented.

“He's dying of poison from the Hydra, remember?” Ronan asked smugly. “That leaves the job to me.”

“He's right,” Fredrick conceded. “My character won’t be strong enough until Adam can use another one if his healing spells in battle.”

“All right, Ronan,” Henry said. “It's up to you.”

Ronan grinned savagely. “Good. Just know there's a chance you might be attacked by the waifs once you're in.”

“Waifs?” Henry asked, looking at Gansey frantically.

Gansey shrugged. “Roll for intuition.”

They all looked at Adam who, as the cleric of the group, had the highest intuitive levels. He shrugged back at them just as Gansey had. “I just rolled.”

Everyone exchanged glances.

“I guess there's only one way to see,” Fredrick commented.

Henry let out a long dramatic breath and cracked his knuckles. “All right, Ronan, my boy. Let's do this.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Blue arrived home that night to a group of men all cheering and howling over the kitchen table as they faced the ultimate demon. Gansey was the first to notice her and grinned over his dungeon master setup and Blue rolled her eyes in return. Nevertheless, she was smiling as if she thought they were all dorks. She probably did.

“Blue!” Henry then cheered and everyone looked over.

“Hiya boys,” Blue greeted joining Gansey by the head of the table and slipping onto a stool to watch over the game’s setup. “You realize how late it is, right?”

“We just stayed a fuckton of monsters, Maggot,” Ronan said. “Heroism has no concept of time.”

“Well, you heroes,” Blue emphasized sarcastically. “Need to get out of my apartment so I can sleep.”

“You’re right on time, Blue-berry,” Henry said, as cheerful and dramatic as ever despite the time. “We just finished. You missed it, we were so close to losing but Adam here used his last final dying breath to rejuvenate Ronan so he could cast the final spell, locking the demon away for-”

Blue looked over at Adam at the sound of his name and smiled at his familiar face. Adam saw Blue more often than he saw the rest of them but it was always nice to see her again, especially with his busy schedule. It was dying down but he still wished he saw her more than he did. He wished he saw their whole group more than he did.

"Adam,” she interrupted Henry. “Sacrificing yourself for the group? How like you.”

“Some things just have to be done,” Adam joked and Blue grinned.

In a couple minutes, everyone was gathering their stuff to leave, each one getting a hug from Gansey as they passed through the doorway. Fredrick and Adam exchanged numbers before he left and Adam hovered back, seeing Blue by the counter watching with a smile.

“As part of your bridesman duties,” Blue started. “We need to see each other more often.”

“I know,” Adam commented. “I think I'm getting better at it now if you'll let me back into the group.”

“Adam…” Blue smiled softly. “You're always part of the group.”

It was a relief to hear. On some level Adam had always known that, their group was a part of him that couldn't be replaced, but after he had broken up with Ronan and gone on to college, things had shifted and started falling apart. It might have been the late hour or the emotions from seeing all of them together again, even playing a stupid game like Dungeons and Dragons, but Adam felt more free with the acknowledgement.

Blue noticed because Blue always noticed and pulled Adam down into a hug, her on her tippy toes and Adam bending down. It was a comfort he hadn't had in a long time.

“Thank you,” Adam felt himself say. It was more than just a thank you for letting him back into the group but it was for not letting him slip away. It was for caring for him and inviting him to be her bridesman. It was a thank you for everything from now to that time seven years ago when she joined their weird band of misfits searching for a dead king.

“You're welcome,” she whispered before pulling away. “Also, as my brideman, I expect an awesome bachelorette party. This is the last week in which I am an unmarried woman, Adam. I'm succumbing to the patriarchy. It better be good.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ronan was waiting for him outside when Adam left, his hands shoved into his pockets as he leaned against the brick wall. It felt familiar in a way Ronan always had been.

Adam paused to look at Ronan as Ronan looked back.

“Aerospace engineering, huh?” Ronan finally asked. “I should have known you'd pick something super sciencey.”

Adam placed his hands in the pockets of his jacket and stood only a couple feet away from Ronan, watching his figure against the wall and the way Ronan’s eyes flickered over Adam like they always had. “Yeah,” he answered after a second. “I work at NASA now.”

Ronan snorted. “Fancy. Suits you.”

“Yeah? How's the farm?”

“Good,” Ronan answered and they both knew small talk wasn't what they wanted to really be talking about. “So golfing?” Ronan asked after a minute.

“What about it?” Adam asked confused.

“Fredrick invited you.”

“I don't really seem like the golfer type, do I, Lynch?” Adam scoffed with something of a laugh and Ronan looked him up and down again in a way that made Adam feel exposed. No one had known all his secrets in a long time.

Adam shivered in his jacket.

“No,” Ronan drawled. “I guess you don't.”

It took Adam a minute of thought but he remembered to ask why it mattered if Fredrick invited him golfing. But then he didn't have to ask because the answer came to him immediately. Adam questioned it for a minute more and Ronan waited for him to finish thinking. Then Adam’s hint of a smile grew into a smirk.

“Were you jealous, Lynch?”

“Is there something to be jealous of?” Ronan answered, which was an answer in of itself.

“Did you drive here?” Adam asked.

Ronan nodded jerkily down the street where a familiar sharknosed BMW was parked. It was all too familiar. The lean of Ronan’s body, the blue of his eyes, him waiting outside to give Adam a ride home.

“You?” Ronan asked.

"I'm taking a cab,” Adam replied. “I live across the city.”

“It's three o’clock in the fucking morning, Parrish. Good luck catching a cab.”

“Are you offering to drive me then?” Adam raised his eyebrow.

“Got any better options?” Ronan asked challengingly.

“What would be better than riding in a car with you?” Adam answered.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The drive to his apartment was quiet with too much to say between the two of them. The streets of D.C. were empty at this time at night, or maybe it was morning, and Adam’s apartment would have normally been only a couple minutes away with Ronan’s driving. But Ronan was driving slower than usual, the speed limit even, and yet they still didn't talk.

Adam watched him while he could, wondering how much he had changed while Adam was gone.

The streets lights cast an otherworldly yellow light on the small black curls of Ronan's hair and cheekbones and highlighted his tattoo. His eyes were narrowed out at the streets as if he was focused but Adam saw his eyes drift in his direction every once in awhile. He was as handsome as ever in a dangerous way that made Adam want.

He wanted so badly.

His entire being ached to be closer but he didn't have that privilege any more. Then again, Ronan had been jealous. Adam had never been able to miss the way Ronan took in his form as if he'd never see him again. Some large, more human, part of himself still preened at the idea he could still be liked.

Adam faced straight ahead and gave Ronan directions through the city until they parked outside a crappy, but stable, apartment complex.

It was possible that whatever Adam was feeling was what was left of his first love. His first everything. So he pushed them down.

"Thanks for the ride,” Adam said.

Ronan grunted. “Sure.”

They both didn't know what to do. Adam didn't want to leave Ronan again, not when he didn't have to. So they both sat in the car.

“Adam-” Ronan started as Adam said, “Ronan.”

They both paused and Adam hated this awkwardness that was between them. It was all his fault. He had been the one to break them up and move away.

“Ronan,” Adam began again, and when Ronan didn't interrupt, he continued. “I-”

Ronan seemed to understand what he was going to say and interrupted. “No need to apologize again, Parrish. It was a while back and you apologized then, no need to do it now. You had to focus on school.”

Softer, he added, “You wouldn't be you if you didn't.”

Adam’s traitorous heart lifted at the idea of being forgiven and Ronan being emotionally mature enough to realize it was something Adam had to do. Or at least something Adam felt like he had to do.

“It would have been possible,” Adam said. “Long distance and all.”

Ronan smiled sadly, a real smile, not one twisted from knives, “I know.”

Adam smiled sadly back before moving to open the door of the car. Then he hesitated. It felt wrong to just leave Ronan there with so much unsaid and so much tension between them. It had felt wrong to not have Ronan there at all. All these years had passed and Adam hadn't really noticed the hole he had kept digging to get away until he realized that it needed to be filled. Ronan was here now as if he had been there the whole time. His presence never felt so obvious.

Adam’s fingers clasped on the door handle and then slipped down. He twisted in his seat again, Ronan’s attentive blue eyes tracking every movement, and carefully lifted his hand to Ronan’s cheek. Ronan didn't move. Adam couldn't tell what he was thinking. Adam couldn't even tell what he himself was thinking except that he wished they hadn't broken up in the first place. There was stubble underneath the palm of his hand as well as the familiar angles of Ronan's face.

Maybe they could have been together while he went to college. Maybe they would have broken up either way due to some stupid fight. But it was six years later and they were still acting like it hadn't happened.

When Adam moved closer, he placed his lips on Ronan’s. That was familiar but different in that they were both different people than they used to be.

Nothing happened. Adam pulled away slowly and reached for the door handle behind him, their breaths mingling with the lack of distance between them. Adam’s mind was already going into overdrive as he drew himself farther away. That had been a bad idea. Who said Ronan still wanted him? What if this was just Adam craving some sort of contact from him again? It could go wrong in so many ways.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Ronan let out a quiet breath, his head falling back against the driver's seat, eyes still closed.

Adam was ready to leave with one foot out the door and an apology on his lips when Ronan’s eyes flew to his and Adam found himself trapped. There was a brief second where Adam regretted everything leading up to this moment, sure he really had ruined Gansey’s wedding, and Ronan watched him as if waiting for him to run. When he didn't, Ronan leaned forward and roped a hand to the back of Adam’s neck to yank him to him again.

It was a lot of lip, desperate and needy, and then mouths opened to allow less space between them. It was a lot of getting used to each other again and Adam’s hand sliding around the back of Ronan's neck only to find hair that hadn't been there the last time they had done this. Ronan smirked but then gasped when Adam looped his fingers tightly through the curls. There was a hand on the back of Adam’s neck too and other on his back drawing him closer. Adam’s elbow dug into the console in the middle of their two seats but he made no movement to pull away.

Adam's mind roared and enveloped itself with thoughts of Ronan, Ronan, Ronan. Ronan speeding through Henrietta with his hand on the steering wheel of his BMW with a laugh. Ronan in Latin class staring out the window. Ronan making a joke with Opal. Ronan waiting outside of Boyd’s with cheap fast food. Ronan waiting outside of Blue’s for him only just a half hour ago.

In the end, it was Ronan who pushed away, breathing hard and flushed.

“You kiss your girlfriend like that, Parrish?” he asked with a bark of sharp laughter.

“I don't have a girlfriend,” Adam informed him. “Or a boyfriend.”

Ronan grinned and leaned forward again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ronan hadn't stayed at Adam's house that night and Adam hadn't offered. It seemed too early for that in whatever this was. A rebuilding? Something too fragile to be labeled and Adam couldn't tell where it put them. It had been years since they had last seen each other and now they were… this?

Adam had acted rashly and now he was panicking.

It shouldn't have happened that way. What if Ronan had thought it had just been some one night stand type thing for him? Adam should have at least gotten to know him again before making out with him in his car. What if they were so different now that they wouldn't get along? It could fly straight off the rails the minute it started and that would cause too much pain for both Adam and Ronan.

It was better if Adam ended it before it became something again. He hadn't meant for it to become something again in the first place. Adam had just wanted to be friends again. Ronan was, or at least used to be, the most important person in his life.

By the time Adam got a text, he had made up his mind.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

from Ronan: coffee?  
sent: Where?  
from Ronan: 18th street  
sent: I can make it over by lunch. 12 o’clock?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ronan's texting habits hadn't changed much, as evidenced by their short conversation, but Adam trusted him to show up. So when twelve o’clock came around Adam was already sitting at the cafe on eighteenth street placing his order for a coffee.

Public locations were good. Adam could do public locations. Public locations meant no violent outbursts and storming out like they had done in their last break up. Was this a break up? Not that Adam was expecting an outburst, he didn't know what he was expecting. Disappointment from a now bittersweet ended romance? Regret Adam had kissed him in the first place?

Public locations were good. Adam just wasn't sure if he could go through with it.

Especially when Ronan entered the cafe in a dark green flannel and ripped black jeans looking just as handsome as he had the other day. Better even when Adam wasn't acting on three am sleep exhaustion. Adam felt like he had skipped the asshole phase this round and went straight for the falling in love again portion of the competition.

Ronan made eye contact with Adam the minute he passed through the doorway and smirked like he knew exactly what Adam was thinking. He ordered a coffee up front and then slid into the seat across from him.

“Parrish,” Ronan greeted.

“Lynch.”

That felt wrong. They had made out the previous night for god's sake and using last names, or at least Ronan's, seemed wrong.

“Ronan,” Adam corrected.

Ronan only looked amused and tilted his head at him, reminiscent of Chainsaw. “Adam.”

Shit. Could Adam go through with this? His mind, now filled with the image of Ronan right in front of him, could no longer think of the reasons Adam needed to stop this before it turned into something bigger. Ronan doesn't deserve this, some part of his brain reminded him and Adam went with it.

“About last night…”

He couldn't continue when Ronan was scrutinizing him, eyebrowS furrowed and eyes studying his features. Adam had never been unknowable to Ronan Lynch. Sure enough, Ronan finished his sentence.

“You regret last night and think we should be just be friends?” he guessed.

It hit Adam in the face a lot harder than it should have considering that was exactly what he was going to say. Apparently they hadn’t changed so much that Ronan didn’t know the way that Adam thought.

“Yeah,” he said dumbly.

A waiter came along and placed their two coffees in small to go cups in front of them causing Ronan to awkwardly wait to speak again. Adam took the time to look away and smile politely at the waiter with a thank you. When he looked back, Ronan's expression was blank. He used to be able to tell what Ronan was thinking when others couldn't. Or maybe he still could, he just didn’t want to try.

On the other hand, Ronan knew Adam way too well and that had always unnerved him. And then it had made him feel seen. But right now, Adam did not want to be seen. Adam wished he had been able to change this part of himself, to be able to take risks without considering the consequences, but only Ronan had ever been able to draw that part out of him. Adam wished that he could tell Ronan that what he regretted was breaking up with him all those years ago and that right now he was regretting the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to answer.

Instead, he let Ronan slip away again. It was better off this way.

“Right,” Ronan said bitterly when Adam didn't say anything else, pushing his way out of the chair. “Thanks for the coffee, Parrish. I’m so glad we could catch up.”

This had been their disconnect. Adam had always wondered when their relationship was going to end because it was too good to be true and too passionate red to stay. So both times now he ended it before it would end in a way that both of them couldn’t get over. And Ronan… he wasn’t sure where Ronan had thought they would lead- back when they would kiss in the Barns and watch the sunset on the roof. Somewhere happy no doubt. Ronan, who dreamt up miracles and excitable little brothers, couldn’t have imagined anything else.

Really, it was a protection technique for the both of them. If they stayed, Adam would have no doubt ruined it and he couldn’t bare it falling apart so slowly that it slipped from his fingers.

Ronan strangled his coffee cup in his grip and threw some crumbled up money on the table by Adam’s drink. And then he stalked out of the cafe without a single glance behind him.

Adam sat at the cafe table until his coffee grew cold.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Blue’s bachelorette party was at Fox Way which meant a couple hours in the Pig which she had managed to wiggle out of Gansey. Gansey himself hadn’t been invited because Blue was a small bitter human who hadn't been invited to the bachelor party but Blue insisted she wanted to spend the night with the rest of her best friends and family.

Which left Adam standing next to Ronan and Henry waiting for her to pick them up.

Ronan almost looked impressed as Blue drove around the corner in the bright orange car, honking the horn. When Ronan grinned, Adam refused to acknowledge the part of his mind saying that he wouldn’t mind if Ronan grinned like that for the rest of his life.

Ronan seemed to be ignoring Adam whenever possible. It wasn’t entirely ignoring him, they were too old and mature for that now, but it might have well been with all the distance between them. Adam caught Ronan biting on his bracelets a couple times. Occasionally, he would glance over at Adam and quickly look away with a scowl like he was angry at himself.

They would get over it eventually, Adam had to tell himself. They had to.

Poor Henry, stuck in the middle, kept conversation going and Ronan would make sarcastic remarks and Adam would make polite conversation but they never actually talked to each other. With Blue in the car, conversation was almost normal, but Adam felt like the tension between himself and Ronan was seeping into every lull between topics.

Opal was waiting for them at the doorway, older and taller than Adam had last seen her, and watching Adam carefully.

“Brat,” Ronan greeted as he past through the door, patting an oddly shaped knitted hat on her head. She glared and then turned back to Adam who awkwardly stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, Opal,” Adam greeted.

“Hi Adam,” she greeted back. “Long time no see.”

"Yeah, I've been at-”

“I know where you've been. Just fix it, yeah?”

Adam saw Ronan wince just behind her and he felt the guilt sinking further to the bottom of his stomach.

“I'll try and see you more often,” he promised anyway because that was what Opal deserved.

She narrowed her eyes, likely because she knew that wasn’t an answer to what she was looking for, before she nodded and trotted off into the living room to join the Blue’s family. Adam looked up at Ronan with a raised eyebrow as if to ask, “when did she get so big?”

Realizing what he was doing, he looked away before anyone caught him and focused on greeting the rest of Blue's family. He had been in contact with them the past month to plan the party at their house but seeing them in person for the first time in years was different.

Maura gave him a hug and said she missed him. Mr. Gray insisted that Adam called him Dean when he greeted him as he did every time Adam joined Blue’s family and every time Adam felt uncomfortable doing so even if he was married to Maura. Orla had smirked in an unsettling way at him which Adam counted as the usual. Calla caught one glance of him, narrowed her eyes, and then shook her head as if disappointed.

“Idiots,” she huffed. “The both of you.”

That was the problem with psychics.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Adam had always loved Blue’s family. They took him in as their own when Adam was in a bad place in his life and had remained in contact after Persephone died and he went off to college. They were the kind of family to make strange wedding teas and cook a turkey for their daughter’s bachelorette party, which they did with sadistic pleasure.

For the sake of celebrating Blue’s last week of not being married, everyone smiled politely when accepting the tea that smelled of feet and promised future love and possibly a skin fungus. However, the turkey was edible and Adam had never tasted better stuffing and so Adam counted it as a win. He suspected Mr. Gray had helped with dinner more than he claimed.

It was fun.

Adam caught up with Maura and was able to get into a nice debate with Calla over Persephone’s top secret banana pie ingredient that no one was ever able to guess. More importantly, he got to talk to Opal who at first seemed hesitant, then excited, and then told him all about her new classes in school. Adam was surprised to learn that she was in junior high at a local school in Singer Falls. He was even more surprised to know that every night or so Ronan would sit down and try to help her with her homework.

He learned a lot about what Ronan had been doing through Opal. Their farm was thriving and she would help after school. Local stores were buying his products and business had expanded into a couple surrounding states as well. Opal named all the farm animals, insisting that Ronan had stupid names, so they were all named things like Stick and Trashcan instead.

Her favorite farm animal however, was a baby goat that had been born last year and that she had named Hedwig. Apparently, she had started reading Harry Potter and tried getting Ronan to dream her up a magic wand but he refused.

Adam missed her. He missed this- Ronan working on the farm while Adam sat on the porch reading and Opal collected twigs to eat as a snack later. It had been a long time since he had missed that. Now his heart burned in his chest and he smiled and felt sad at the same time.

He had missed all of it. He could have been apart of it.

After a while, he dismissed himself into the kitchen, already chiding himself for caring and wondering why it hurt so much to know what went on without him after so many years. It would have been so much easier if Adam still didn’t feel like a magnet was drawing closer and closer to Ronan even when all he wanted was to push away and avoid the fallback. Why did it all have to keep rushing back?

When he entered the kitchen, Ronan was the only one there, sipping on a plastic cup on punch that Blue had saved from Calla’s wrath.

Ronan looked up at the exact moment Adam realized he was there. For a moment they just stared, unsure of what to do at this segway in their relationship.

“You did a good job,” Adam said after a minute, unable to stand the silence any longer, nodding out towards the living room. “With Opal. She’s a really smart kid.”

“She doesn’t get that from me,” Ronan muttered into his cup.

Adam frowned and when he saw Ronan expanded pointedly, “She takes after you. Always, Adam this, Adam that. You somehow ended up as her goddamn role model.”

With furrowed eyebrows, Adam looked out towards the living room where Opal was laughing with Blue over something she said, her knitted beanie pulled down hastily over her mess of blonde hair and a pile of tarot cards spread out in front of them. It seemed impossible that he had that much influence when he had only been there for her for such a short amount of time. A half of a year of her life and that was all.

He hadn’t even thought of Opal when breaking up with Ronan.

“She should chose a different one,” he couldn’t help but comment.

“I can’t think of a better role model actually,” he heard Ronan say and he turned quickly in surprise to stare at Ronan’s honest face.

“Why?” He asked.

Ronan snorted. “Why the fuck not? You’ve accomplished more than anyone else in this household combined.”

“But I’m not a good person,” Adam countered. “I left her.”

“You’re the best person I know,” Ronan answered honestly and Adam wondered why he was doing this. To twist the guilt further into Adam’s soul until he found that he could no longer breath with the pressure?

“I left you too,” he said.

"I understand why you did. I was angry at first, for a really fucking long time actually, but I get it.” Ronan’s eyes were piercing into his soul. “I understand you,” he emphasized.

Adam believed him. And that’s what scared him the most.

He left Ronan standing there in the kitchen. He pushed his way into to the backyard decorated with fairy lights and found the tree he had once sat under with Blue when everything had been simpler and much more complicated.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Blue found him sitting there and silently sat down next to him with her back against the tree. They didn’t speak for a while, just looked up at the stars and remembered.

“I’m getting married,” she said as if realizing it for the first time.

“Yes, you are,” Adam agreed.

“Shit.”

Adam laughed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Do you remember when we first met you and you thought Gansey was calling you a prostitute because he offered to pay for the time you came to sit with us?” Adam was laughing and he didn’t remember laughing this much in a long time.

“God,” Blue groaned but she was laughing too. “He's lucky you’re cute because you're the only reason I forgave him.”

Adam blushed and Blue laughed again, poking at his red cheeks. “You are! Shame we didn’t work out.”

“You like Gansey way more,” Adam informed her and it hadn’t been a sore point for years now.

“Yeah,” Blue mused. “Imagine that. If you told me when I was seventeen that I would be marrying a Richard Gansey the Third, I would have punched them in the face.”

“Time does weird things.”

Blue hummed in agreement and looked up at the stars again in the peaceful night air. “There’s still more time, you know,” she said randomly.

“For what? You’re getting married next week.”

"Not for me,” Blue fixed him with a look. “For you.”

“What do I need more time for?” Adam asked perplexed.

She looked away and Adam followed her gaze to the lighted living room window where he could seen Ronan teasing Opal who stuck out her tongue at him.

“Oh,” Adam said. “I don’t-”

“Don’t bullshit me, Adam Parrish,” Blue interrupted. “You do. And the only thing that is stopping you is yourself.”

“How’d you know?” Adam asked dumbly. “It’s been years.”

Blue scoffed. “Pshaw. You look at him the same way you used to look at those old car magazines you kept at St. Agnes. Like you didn’t think you would ever get one.”

“Still?” Adam asked.

“You always have,” Blue said as if it was obvious. “Just… Adam?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t see him after you broke up. I don’t think even Gansey saw the worst of it… he kept a lot of it inside. He hasn’t even dated much after you or at least not anyone he introduced to me and Gansey. He’s mostly been focusing on Opal and the farm and he’s doing well. I just… make sure you’re serious if you’re going to go for it.”

"I know,” Adam said because he was always serious.

“I know you know,” Blue assured him.

“But what if I hurt him again?” Adam whispered.

“That’s the other thing. Take a risk again, Adam Parrish. Or else you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

Blue leaned over and kissed his cheek and Adam closed his eyes to make sure he was still alive. That he was going to make it and that the guilt and the magnetic pull towards Ronan wouldn’t drown him. When he looked up, Blue was standing and holding a hand out to him to help him stand.

“Come on,” she said, and he took it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were all in a bright orange car driving up the curvy road up the mountain and into the dark night sky. Henrietta was thriving in magic with every turn closer to the stars. The radio played Blink-182 and Blue laughed, throwing her hands up into the air from the backseat of the Camaro.

The wind flew through Adam’s air as he rested on arm on the window of the passenger seat and looked back at Blue and Henry’s exuberant faces. Beside him, Ronan shifted the car into another gear and grinned as they took another corner. Adam smiled too and looked out towards the future.

There was a peace between them all that hadn’t been there for a long while. Not since before the demon or before Henry had ever really been part of their group.

When they finally stopped, Ronan pulled over on the side of the road overlooking Henrietta and they all piled onto the hood of the car.

“I almost kissed Gansey here,” Blue admitted into the cold. “Before Cabeswater died.”

"Did you know it would kill him?” Ronan asked casually.

“I said almost, didn’t I?” Blue answered.

The knowledge that Blue had known Gansey was her True Love that early settled between them. Adam supposed he would have been jealous back then. Now it just seemed silly. Blue never kissed him either but that felt more like a tentative precaution more than it was actually knowing. Instead, now Adam looked over at Ronan only to find Ronan already looking back.

Adam remembered when they had broken up that he had compared them to Blue and Gansey. Blue and Gansey were True Love. Blue and Gansey were going to always been together. Ronan and Adam were less certain and it terrified him to death.

Now Adam knew that they didn’t have to last to be happy. It occurred to Adam, under the lights of the stars on the hook of Gansey’s car, that he would rather have spent all of his energy trying to be with Ronan than accepting it would be over before even trying.

“I wish Gansey was here,” Blue admitted.

“You’re going to be stuck with the guy for the rest of your life,” Ronan snorted, turning away from Adam to look at Blue. “Take advantage of all the time you have away.”

“Hey Adam,” Henry said. “You’re an aerospace guy, right? You should point out some constellations.”

So Adam looked away from Ronan and up at the night sky again and began describing the stars he had been aiming for his whole life. With Ronan beside him, it suddenly felt complete.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The car was quiet as they drove past Adam’s old neighborhood to the freeway. Adam could see his old house’s porch light in the distance and the same beat up truck that had always been there for as long as he could remember. He had been beaten for ten years in that household. He had lost half of his hearing in that household. That was when Adam had realized that Ronan could be fiercely defensive of all his friends in ways that he never imagined.

Ronan was staring at the trailer park too.

Blue stared out at the road but Adam knew she knew where they were.

Henry was a smart kid, always had been, and it wasn’t hard to piece together the location, bruises that had always been scattered across Adam’s body at school, and the silence that overtook the car.

Adam had always been afraid to come back here. He had said on many occasions that he was never coming back once he left. It was a mantra. Once he left, he was never seeing his parents again. He didn’t owe him anything.

The part of him that still flinched when books slammed to the ground or that would never bring himself to drink alcohol shied away from the window. Another part of him wanted it over with. That part of him was done with the effects of his past, feeling like they would always be there, and wanted to move on. He wanted to knock on the door and show them what he had made of himself. He wanted the doublewide out of his mind and the fear he could still be like his father out of his heart.

He didn’t need to visit his parents to know that anymore. He didn’t need to rub his success into their faces. Just as he didn’t owe them anything, he wouldn’t depend on them either. Adam had his friends for that instead and they were much kinder than his parents had ever been.

His mother stood at the window as they passed. Maybe she recognized the bright orange of the car but their eyes met. Adam didn’t know what she felt then. Maybe she was proud that he got away, disappointed to see him again, or possibly she didn’t even recognize the son she had raised anymore. From experience, she likely didn’t care.

She turned away from the window and Adam faced the front of the car. Ronan’s knee knocked against his and Adam pushed a little back, letting it ground him. Blue met his eyes in the rear view mirror as the house faded into the distance and smiled. Henry didn’t say anything, and likely didn’t know what to say in the situation which one of his friends had been abused back in high school, but he looked back at Adam from the passenger seat nodded in respect.

No, Adam thought again. He did not need validation from the people who had raised him. He had everything he needed right here.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Blue dropped Ronan off at his car sometime around one in the morning, Adam knocked on the back of her seat and said, “I’m catching a ride with Ronan.”

“Knock him dead,” she joked.

When he exited the car, Blue smiled proudly again and before Ronan could say anything or Adam could get back in the car, she drove off.

"What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ronan asked.

“I need a ride,” Adam said, which was pretty obvious now that Blue had driven off with Henry.

Ronan scoffed with a shake of his head and got in the driver’s seat of his shining BMW. Adam took it as a signal to follow and pulled himself into the passenger seat. The last time they had been in this car, parked on the side of the road like they were now, they had kissued.

Adam did kind of regret that. But only that he hadn’t waited and that it had lead to this weird awkward in between.

Ronan pulled the car into drive and drove. Adam didn’t need to tell him the directions to his place and Ronan seemed to drive faster, or at least his usual speed. It didn’t take long before they were in the same position as before but outside of Adam’s apartment.

“Wanna come up?” Adam asked.

“You’re not going to ambush me again?” Ronan asked warily and Adam shook his head.

Ronan narrowed his eyes but seemed to see no harm because he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Adam stepped out onto the sidewalk and silently, he lead the way over to the door, up the stairs, and into his apartment on the fourth floor.

When Adam had gotten the fellowship at NASA, he had just graduated from the aerospace engineering masters program at MIT. With his tuition covered in scholarships, the school had offered to send him to DC as part of his doctorate’s work and all Adam had to do was pay for the apartment. He took online classes and would have to spend a couple weeks of the year back at MIT for testing and to work with professors but otherwise, he lived down in Washington DC to travel in between here and NASA headquarters.

That being said, he was in the habit of saving money, even if he was better off than he used to be because of great job opportunities, and the room was sparse.

Adam watched as Ronan’s glance skipped over the ratty living room couch and coffee table and around the rest of the small apartment. A door led to his bedroom where he could see glimpses of his desk covered in paperwork, a whiteboard full of equations, and his bed meticulously made compared to the rest of the mess. Notably, the kitchen shelves were full of food which had never happened in St. Agnes. There were a couple personal ideas laying about- some plants on table tops to liven it up a little, a spunky lamp Blue had given him when he first announced he was moving back from Massachusetts to Washington DC where Gansey was schooling and where she had moved in with him, and a couple picture frames.

There were a few pictures with friends from Princeton, a couple with friends from MIT, but Ronan’s eye caught on the picture Adam kept on the coffee table with all five of them together at the beach house in Delaware all those years ago. Gansey was kissing Blue’s cheek while she looked delighted. Adam smiled like a normal person and Ronan was gazing at Adam like he had placed all the stars in the sky. Adam liked to think that if he looked close enough, he could see the ghost of Noah by the beach watching them proudly.

It was one of Adam’s favorite pictures.

“You should show Blue,” Ronan said. “She’d love it. All gooey and shit.”

"She’s the one that gave it to me.”

Ronan plopped down on the couch and glanced around some more while Adam tried coming up with some idea of how to bring up what he wanted to. He had turned Ronan down twice now, technically, could he really take it back? Just like that?

“Nicer than St. Agnes,” Ronan commented.

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you bring me up here?” Ronan asked.

And that was the question. “I fucked up,” Adam said.

Ronan raised an eyebrow. “And so I’m here to what? Be your therapist?”

“No. I fucked everything up between us. So,” Adam let out a deep breath and tried thinking of ways to continue. “I guess I’m trying to fix it.”

Ronan sunk into the couch like he was trying to collapse in on himself and stared at the wall. “It’s fine, Parrish. I get it. You’re scared and shit of fucking this up again. That or I was just a convenient outlet for sexual tension or whatever. Doesn’t fucking matter. We’re all good and either way I’ll move on.”

“What if I told you that I want to try this time?” Adam asked. “Then would it matter?”

"Don’t lie to me, Parrish. Don’t say that shit unless you mean it.”

"I mean it.”

Ronan scrutinized him from his position on the couch and suddenly stood up. And then he moved closer. And then closer. Adam could see the angular shape of his jaw and the shadows on his cheekbones and the blue of his eyes and a tiny black curl hanging above his forehead.

“Do you?” Ronan asked, his eyes cautious.

“Yes,” Adam answered.

Ronan stepped away, already closing himself off again. “I don’t think you do.”

Adam stared. “What?”

“I don’t think you mean it,” Ronan challenged, watching him just as seriously back. “I don’t know why you are doing this or why you are messing with me but you should stop.”

Suddenly Ronan felt a thousand miles away even if he was a couple feet in front of him. Adam felt cold. He couldn't believe that for a second he thought it would be that easy for everything to be fixed.

Maybe he just doesn’t want you anymore, the devious part of Adam suggested. He had slipped away for good.

The sad thing was, it was possible.

But then again, only a couple hours ago Ronan and Adam had laid under the stars. Ronan had silently offered support when driving past the double wide. He had said that Adam was the best person he knew and that he was glad Adam was Opal’s role model. It had seemed like they had a fighting chance. Just now, Ronan was pushing himself away in order to protect himself.

This was Ronan’s own defense system, Adam realized. Just like his own.

“You said you understood me today,” Adam said. “Understand me now. You were right. I didn’t give us a chance just in case we both of us ended up crashing and burning. I didn’t think it was worth it because I’d end up hurting you and the longer we went, the more it would hurt.”

“Why’s it worth it now?” Ronan challenged.

“Because I decided I’d rather try and end up crashing and burning than not have you in my life at all,” Adam answered.

Ronan’s hands were shoved in his pockets in fists as if holding himself back and he stood posed like snake ready to strike at any moment. His eyes watched him with defensive hurt and confusion and anger.

“You don’t believe me,” Adam realized.

“It’s been six years!” Ronan huffed, beginning to move around the room with agitation and no apparent indication of stopping anytime soon. “You seriously expect me to believe that you’ve still got feelings for me!? Or that you’ve changed your mind and want me back?”

“Do you?” Adam asked before clarifying. “Still have feelings for me?”

It was a terrible question to ask because he didn’t really want to know the answer. It was impossible to ask that he did.

“I don’t know, Parrish! I thought I didn’t. And I saw you again and…”

Adam understood.

"Me too.”

"This is stupid, right?” Ronan asked, still going on as he fidgeted around the room. One of his hands was dragged out of his pocket and raked it’s way through his short hair. “We were never going to last, you said so yourself.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Adam automatically said and Ronan sneered.

“Yes, you did. You said that Blue and Gansey were True Love and that we weren’t going to make it. And then you fucking left for college and never said a word about it afterward.”

“I didn’t know for certain we would work out,” Adam admitted.

“You seemed pretty certain we wouldn't,” Ronan bit out.

“Nothing is for certain.”

“Not even Blue and Gansey? Because you seemed pretty fucking certain about them.”

“They’re getting married, aren’t they?” Adam automatically defended and Ronan threw his arms up in annoyance.

“Yes! They are! And who knows where we would be if you hadn’t fucking broken up with me and disappeared for the rest of my life like an asshole! You never gave us a goddamn chance, Parrish!”

He was right. Adam had regretted that for years afterward. He regretted it now. They both stood watching each other, waiting for the other to strike, and when they didn’t, Adam asked softly, “Do you seriously believe we could have gotten married? That we'd still be together?”

It wasn't mocking, just curious.

Ronan let out a shaky sigh and plopped down on Adam’s couch again only to fall onto his back and stare at the ceiling. “I thought you were it for me, Adam.”

“And now?”

Ronan didn't look at him. He didn't have to answer because Adam knew he didn't do things halfheartedly. Adam closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke.

“I'm taking this seriously too, you know. When have either of us not taken things seriously when it came to us? You were never just a summer romance or one night stand to me, Ronan. You still aren't.”

“But we weren't going to last,” Ronan commented bitterly.

“Maybe not then. But we could now.”

Ronan pulled himself up to sitting position and stared. “Now?”

“Would you prefer for me to ask you out tomorrow?” Adam said with a quirk of his lips and a tilt of his head. “I can wait another six years if you'd like.”

“You're the one that broke up with me in the first place,” Ronan said dryly.

“And now I'm fixing it. Speaking of asking you out, there's a wedding soon and I still need a plus one…”

“Get Fredrick to go,” Ronan shrugged.

“Oh my god, Ronan,” Adam groaned. “I'm trying to ask you out and you're ruining it.”

Ronan snorted. “Good luck with that. I've already got a date.”

Adam froze. Of course he did. Adam was finally trying to make things right and it looked to be heading in the right direction when Ronan was apparently already dating someone else. “And you didn't think to mention this earlier?”

His voice was embarrassingly strained.

“Nope.”

"Oh. Who's the lucky date?” he forced himself to continued.

“Tad Carruthers,” Ronan said smugly and Adam choked on air in surprise, unable to tell if he was serious. Then Ronan laughed and Adam knew they would be okay.

“Tad _Carruthers_?” Adam asked after Ronan watched him almost cough to death with a pleased smirk. “Haven't heard that name in a while. How do you know he is gay in the first place?”

Ronan let his eyes roam Adam’s body and linger on the tighter places of his clothes. “Trust me, I know.”

“Do you now?” Adam asked with amusement.

“He would have totally banged you in high school.”

Again, Adam was sputtering with no reasonable way of reacting. “He what!?”

Ronan shrugged. “I don't blame him. You had that mechanic vibe going for you. You seriously never noticed? Damn, and here I just thought you were just savagely good at turning him down.”

Adam’s ears burned red as he remembered all those times Tad had invited him to parties and school activities in a new light. “I was kind of busy focusing on school, paying bills, and searching for a dead king,” he snarked.

"You noticed my crush,” Ronan emphasized with a smirk.

“Hmm,” Adam hummed. He left his position by the door and began inching towards the couch. “Did I? Maybe it was because you were so damn obvious.”

“I was so subtle.”

“Hand cream left in my car says otherwise.”

“Maybe I was seducing you. It worked, didn't it?”

“I didn't need seducing.” Their faces were only a couple inches apart by now as Adam leaned over where Ronan was sitting. “But if I did, it was definitely the mixtape that won me other. Who knew you could be such a classic romantic?”

“Fuck you,” Ronan said, his face burning red.

"Maybe later,” Adam winked. He could see the heat of Ronan's blush underneath his skin and Ronan huffed in protest and fake annoyance.

“Classy Parrish,” he grumbled.

Adam smirked and let himself collapse on the couch beside Ronan. “We've got to wake up early for some wedding planning thing… Stay the night?” he asked and if Ronan was surprised, it didn't show.

Without a word Ronan stood up to turn off the light as Adam entered his room and shimmed up and under the covers. In the dark shadows of the room he watched Ronan approach and lay down on the other side of the bed. He laid still, staring at the ceiling, until Adam tugged at his arm and turned on his side to face him like they had done years back at St. Agnes. Ronan remembered as well because he turned inward as well so they both watched each other in the dark, sloping shoulders moving up and now with every breath that met somewhere in the middle of them.

After a while, Adam’s eyes began to slid closed from exhaustion. As he slipped away and into his dreams, he felt something on his forehead and something said into the emptiness of his bedroom but he didn't hear. He didn't need to hear to know what it meant.

It meant that Ronan Lynch was staying.

It wouldn't be easy, there was still a lot unsaid between them and they really had changed, but this time Adam was determined they would make it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been out near the beginning of the week put the plot felt forced and ooc... so I redid it and I'm much happier with the result. I don't like it as much as I wish but I like it much better than the scrapped draft.
> 
> In other news, you'll notice this now will have THREE chapters. Yes, three. This is because I can't stop writing and the chapter was getting too long. You're welcome.
> 
> And also thanks for reading! Thanks to anyone who enjoys this, or kudos, or comments. You're all great.
> 
> Next chapter will be [enter spoiler here]!


	3. Grown Up

Ronan had always found Adam attractive. He had also always known he was gay so finding Adam attractive had never been a realization. However, Ronan never acted on attraction. That was all it was. Sure, some guys were handsome but who said that they thought Ronan was attractive as well and even then, Ronan liked to think he saw people as more than skin deep.

Adam being attractive was something he could brush off until the very minute he opened his mouth and tore an ignorant guy's class comment apart with a few clipped sentences. Ronan was delighted.

When Adam joined their group, Ronan quickly learned he was more than just witty and intelligent. He was a stubborn asshole. He was kind and thoughtful. He had a dry humor to match Ronan’s. He would blush when Gansey tried flirting with Blue for him and Ronan started wishing that he could make Adam blush like that.

Adam started being a problem because Ronan liked Adam for Adam, not because of any external appearance.  
That being said, Adam Parrish was beautiful.

His dusty hair fanned out around his head and stuck together between his pillow. The sun from his window caught on his blonder strands of hair and made them glow. His ethereal cheekbones were highlighted by light in the process and shone across his eyelashes. His skin was the same tan Ronan had last seen but healthier and his muscles were definitely more prominent from whatever engineering thing he was working on.

Ronan could stare at him all day. He had missed out on staring at him for years now so he felt it was deserved. He still couldn't believe that they had somehow gotten here, Ronan sharing Adam's bed and waking up in the same place, within a week of Adam rejoining their group. Ronan could reach out and touch him if he wanted.

Then Adam shifted in his sleep and Ronan found he didn't actually want to be caught staring or reaching out, even if it was deserved.

He glanced away and around Adam's room. Looking at his room seemed just as invasive. Along with his insane amount of papers and scattered supplies, he had personal items set up everywhere and clothes strewn across his open closet and by his drawers. Ronan blushed when he saw a pair of boxers and slid quietly from the bed and out of the room to the living room.

By the time Adam had woken up and dragged himself into the kitchen, Ronan was making scrambled eggs and shoving them into a tortilla. 

"Breakfast?” Adam blinked in surprise.

“I was fucking hungry,” Ronan defended in case this was something he wasn’t supposed to do. It was certainly reminiscent of the times they used to have back at the Barns. Ronan would make breakfast in the morning while Opal ran around the backyard and Adam would wrap his arms around Ronan’s waist. 

Now, Adam leaned back against the counter, keeping a short distance between them. “As long as you made me some,” he said. “Seeing as it’s my food.”

They both knew that Ronan had made Adam breakfast anyway. It was no longer the close relationship they used to have but some things never changed. Ronan silently slid a plate over and set the pan by the sink to do later. If he would do it later. He probably couldn’t, could he? He didn’t live here. This was Adam’s house and Adam’s dishes that Ronan had used instead of the other way around.

God, he really shouldn’t have made breakfast.

Adam didn’t seem to care however and took a bite of his burrito before humming and looking down at it curiously. “This is different than you used to make these.”

"I had to up my game,” Ronan snorted as an answer. “Turns out the brat like peppers and shit in her food.”

Adam hummed again and took another bite. “Well, I like it.”

Ronan tried telling himself that he really didn’t care if Adam liked his cooking. That was a lie. Ronan had become proud of his cooking ability and Adam… for some reason it meant more. He turned to his own plate and started eating in silence. Adam didn’t seem to want to interrupt whatever it was between them either so they both just ate. No words were spoken until Ronan finished his food and looked at the sink.

“I think I’m just going to leave all the dishes for you to do. You don’t mind, do you? I mean, it’s not like you have anything important to do with your life so...”

Adam snorted. “Asshole.”

When they both did the dishes together another piece seemed to click back into place.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Blue was surprisingly nonchalant about her wedding day. She was so nonchalant that Adam wondered where the idea of a bridezilla even came from? Was the bride supposed to be stressing about a wedding? Not Blue.

No, instead if Blue had argued, it had been for the sake of making things less extravagant. But now, the day of her wedding, there was no yelling because there was nothing to yell about. She got into her wedding dress, she joked around with Adam, they laughed about Gansey’s likely panic attack and Ronan having to calm him down, all while Blue’s cousins fussed.

Orla was particularly loud in her opinions as they sat waiting for the wedding to get in position.

“Is the cake in place?” She asked.

“Yes, Orla.”

“Well, what about the flowers? Are you sure you don’t have anything more interesting for me to hold?”  
Adam suspected there was flair enough in her low-cut dress and her bright pink colored nails but he said none of this out loud. 

“Orla. It’s just a bouquet.”

“Exactly! It’s a bouquet! It needs oranges! Pinks!”

“I will ban you from walking down the aisle,” Blue threatened and Orla flung herself into a chair and studied her nails as if making sure they were perfect.

“Fine. I won’t fix your stupid bouquet.”

“It’s my wedding,” Blue reminded her. “Not yours.”

“Do you think Ronan is here?” Orla asked instead of answering, which was a stupid question in of itself considering Ronan was the best man, but she smirked when asking it and was looking at Adam who was just trying to blend in.

“No,” Adam deadpanned.

Orla raised her eyebrow and Blue laughed, tugging at Adam’s arm. “Come on, let’s walk around outside. Mom will come find me when it’s time for the wedding to start.”

“What if someone sees you,” Orla hissed. “It’s bad luck!”

Blue snorted, “I’ve already been cursed, what could be worse?”

And with that the two of them were wandering around the gardens that the Gansey’s had rented out as the venue for the wedding. Blue had wanted the wedding in her backyard. Mrs. Gansey had wanted a large marble hall with all of her large family connections in attendance just to show off her son’s marriage. This had been their compromise. A garden wedding with all important family and friends in attendance. About a hundred people were in attendance, most of them on the Gansey’s invite list, and Blue still thought it was too big, but it was much better than the original plan.

“You look very pretty,” Adam found himself saying as soon as they were outside.

Blue blushed. “You look very handsome yourself. Dressing up for someone?”

In fact, Adam was, but it wasn’t as if Blue needed to know or she didn’t already. “Well, it is a wedding,” he said instead.

“My wedding,” Blue agreed. 

Adam wondered if she was used to saying it. “To Richard Campbell Gansey the Third.”

“Oh my god, they’re going to say his full name. At the altar. Oh my god.”

“You chose to marry a Richard Campbell Gansey the Third,” Adam laughed.

“Shit,” Blue joked. “I better back out.”

“Don’t let Gansey hear you say that.”

Blue smiled, small and sweet and sickeningly in love and said, “I would never. Could you imagine his panic?”

They walked a while before Blue started talking again, pausing as they were under a tree and looking him in the eyes. “I know I say this a lot but I’m proud of you. Thanks for being my brideman. Really.”

It suddenly hit Adam that his best friend was getting married. It seemed to hit Blue too because they both smiled at each other even as moisture welled up in their eyes and Adam leaned down to give her a hug. 

“Blue?” Maura said from behind them. “It’s time.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Somehow, Ronan had found himself out on a date. With Adam Parrish. Which was an incredibly stupid thing to do looking back on it but Ronan figured if he was going to get his heart broken again, he might as well go out swinging. 

The thing was that the date hadn’t really been labeled as a date. It felt like a date. Adam had casually invited him out to dinner as they were washing dishes (“Jesus, Parrish, I just had breakfast”) and Ronan had casually agreed. The events of the previous night were still unacknowledged between them.

Ronan still found it hard to believe. First, that Adam wanted to date again because honestly, the first time had been a disaster enough, and second, that this time might actually work out. Ronan wanted it so badly to work out again. He could tell that Adam genuinely wanted it to work out as well which was probably why he agreed in the first place. 

In his defense however, the date, or whatever it was, was going really well. Ronan told Adam funny stories about Opal as she had grown up and Adam told him about the ridiculous frat parties he had seen back when he was an undergraduate student. They exchanged updates on their life with the goal of topping the other’s story until Ronan found himself listening to a half sarcastic tale about someone in Adam’s graduate program that he swore was half made up.

Adam was laughing and Ronan had forgotten the lengths he would go to hear it again.

Still, he found a part of himself holding back and he could tell Adam knew what he was doing. If he did, he didn’t comment. Instead, Adam paid for the check and continued conversation without pushing for any information past what Ronan was giving him. It was such a politely Adam thing to do that Ronan was slipping from whatever ledge he had found himself clinging helplessly to the past couple days.

Feelings were coming back full force, had been already since he had seen Adam in that bar for Gansey’s bachelor party, and he was terrified.

Ronan had never handled emotions as well.

He still turned away a little when Adam caught him staring (which was so embarrassing because he was NOT supposed to be still staring. He had seen this man naked at some point in his life and Jesus Christ, that thought was not helping) and bit out sarcastic remarks when he felt too much emotion pushing it’s way back up to the surface. Adam didn’t seem to mind. He smirked whenever he caught him (don’t stare, don’t stare, don’t stare) and then pretended it didn’t happen which Ronan was grateful for. 

What he didn’t like was Adam politely holding open doors like he had probably done on hundreds of other dates and smiling amiably as if it was a perfectly normal date thing to do. Their other dates had never been about impressing each other, they had known each other enough that they could do whatever and know the other wouldn’t mind. This one felt like they had been planted back at the very beginning and starting completely over.

Ronan hated it. “I can open my own doors, Parrish,” he bit out. “I’m not a girl.”

"Oh, I know,” Adam said, letting his eyes wander in a trick Ronan himself had used only a day ago, and Ronan refused to turn red. Unfortunately, his pale skin had never been an advantage. “If you’d like, you can open the door next time.”

Maybe they hadn't started completely over.

God, Ronan was so fucked. 

They ended up with Ronan dropping Adam off at his apartment in his sleek BMW. What was it about this situation that kept showing up? The place was starting to feel like uncharted territory where anything could happen. It had already been uncharted and yet no stability had started to show.

“Would it be weird if I kissed you again?” Adam asked as they sat in the car. 

Probably, Ronan felt like saying. But he didn’t say that.

It wasn’t weird at all.

Adam stepped out of the car only a moment later and Ronan could still feel his presence and the short feeling of the soft press of lips before he had pulled away. Adam grinned at him in an unrestrained way and Ronan felt like he was on fire. When he left, the car leapt to his command under his palm and raced off with all the energy Ronan needed to burn.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The first person Adam saw when walking down the aisle, leading the procession of bridesmaids with Opal by his side tossing flowers at people and eating a couple more, was Gansey. He looked to be already close to crying but he was smiling and when he smiled at Adam, Adam couldn’t help but smile back. There was lots of joy in Gansey’s face and he hadn’t had that much joy since almost dying that fateful day in Cabeswater.

They had a silent exchange in small tilts of their lips and the shine in their eyes.

I can’t believe I’m marrying Blue, Gansey’s eyes told him.

I can’t believe you’re marrying Blue either, a quirk of Adam’s eyebrow agreed.

Gansey smiled in an invisible laugh and patted Adam on the back as he passed in order to get to his spot on his side of the archway and the priest. That meant, thanks for being there for me.

Adam nodded his head downwards in recognition but still smiled. When have I not, that meant.

It was only when everyone had taken their spot in line that Adam looked over at Ronan. He was standing next to Henry ahead of the line just like Adam was on his side. Ronan was more handsome than ever in that suit and for once in his life, for any proper ceremony, except maybe Adam’s trial all those years back, was standing tall next to his friend and smiling. He caught Adam’s eye and his smile grew a little fonder. But then he frowned and nodded his head to his left as if gesturing for Adam to look in the same direction and when Adam did he realized- oh.

Opal was eating her flowers again. In front of Blue’s family, who was probably laughing, and Gansey’s family, who hopefully were too busy paying attention to the procession down the aisle to notice. Adam nudged her with his elbow and she glanced up in a challenge. She shoved a petal in her mouth defiantly and chewed. Adam raised an eyebrow. She raised hers. Adam wasn’t sure how Ronan could handle her sometimes, he had only previously had one interaction with her as a young teen but she seemed exactly as he pictured Ronan had been. Maybe that was how he dealt with her. Ronan knew the secrets.

Adam subtly shook his head and she frowned. But then Opal spat the flower back into her hand and let it fall to the ground before rubbing her palm on her dress. When Adam looked forward again, Ronan was smiling at him in thanks.

Then Blue began to walk down the aisle. Her dress was short and flowing around her knees as she walked, the bottom portion patterned with dyes of purple and blue. A simple blue necklace adorned her neck and she wore light purple heels that carried her down the aisle. Her hair was free of a veil and instead was thrown into a wild bun who’s loose hairs Maura had vainly attempted to curl. Instead of a veil, she wore a crown of daisies that Adam knew was in honor of Noah.

She was escorted by her mother even when Adam knew her father was in attendance. Mr. Gray was in attendance as well but Maura had raised her and now Maura was there to send her off even if Blue would have hated that sentiment. Blue needed no one to send her off. She had chosen her mother anyway.

Gansey’s side of the room seemed to whisper, whether with horror of the simplicity of color of her dress or impressed awe, but Blue didn’t seem to hear them when she took her place at the front of the garden path. Someone on Blue’s side let out a playful catcall and without breaking eye contact with Gansey, she flipped them off. Gansey’s side whispered even more.

She said her vows, Gansey said his.

Adam refused to cry. Not again. But Gansey was almost, if not just barely, and Blue was smiling and smiling and no one could stop smiling. 

This is what True Love was. 

When Gansey and Blue kissed to seal the deal, the audience broke out in cheers and polite claps. As they all scattered from their seats to the reception where they would congratulate the newly wed couple, Adam and Ronan and Henry joined into a group hug around them.

“Congratulations, fuckers,” Ronan said first.

Adam punched at his side and Blue groaned, laughing and crying at the same time, and Gansey just shook his head with a disapproving smile. Henry laughed, clasping his hand on the couple’s shoulders. “Seriously though, you guys are awesome. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations,” Adam agreed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Ronan?” Gansey answered the phone in shock.

“Hey Gansey,” Ronan said.

“Ronan, you- you never call. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Adam kissed me. And then we went on a date.”

“Oh,” Gansey said. He didn’t sound surprised anymore. “And how do you feel about that?”

Ronan groaned and flopped down on his bed. “This is stupid, isn’t it?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line and then a, “Yes.” 

Ronan went to hang up the line but as if knowing what he was doing, Gansey continued frantically. “I think you’re good for each other. You always have been mostly.”

“Mostly,” Ronan said dryly.

“Look, Ronan,” Gansey sighed. “Adam is a good guy. He didn’t mean to hurt you at all back then, he thought he was doing what was best.” Ronan knew this. “If this is what makes you happy, if it makes both of you happy, then it doesn’t matter if it’s stupid.”

Ronan hung up the phone.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The reception was in a ballroom just outside the gardens, yet another concession Blue had to make to the Gansey’s instead of the small house reception she wanted, but she seemed happy enough when it came down to it. At least, Adam would assume so. She had just been married; at that point things such as the reception location mattered a little less than the person by her side.

While Blue and Gansey received their congratulations by a doorway, Ronan and Adam had made their way to one of the tables as Opal ran off into the gardens. Ronan didn’t seem all that worried so neither did Adam.

“Parrish,” someone greeted Adam from behind as the two of them teasingly bickered.

Adam had forgotten that voice until now. 

When he turned around, he greeted cordially, “Declan. How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing well,” Declan said, just as polite, his hands in his pockets as he watched Adam carefully. “Ashley and I are expecting a child soon. A girl.”

Adam hadn’t been aware that Declan and Ashley were still a thing. He was happy for them, Ashley had always seemed oddly intelligent and complimentary to Declan’s moods, but from what he had heard from Ronan, Declan never fully committed to many relationships.

“Congratulations,” Adam replied, hiding his surprise. 

Declan seemed to see right through him but luckily he didn’t comment. Instead he opened his mouth to continue conversation but Ronan butted in.

“What do you want, Declan?”

“I just wanted to have a chat with your friend,” he shrugged. “Do you mind? I think Matthew is by the chocolate fountain if you want to join him.”

“No thanks,” Ronan said, stretching his arm out casually around Adam’s shoulder. “I’m good here.”

Declan’s sharp eyes tracked the movement and hovered where Ronan’s fingers leaned against Adam’s collarbone. And then he looked up at Ronan. And then back at Adam. He somehow managed to raise his eyebrows and narrow his eyes by a fraction at the same time before composing himself.

“I was just wondering,” Declan started. “How long Adam intends to keep up this relationship this time.”

“Who said we were together again?” Ronan retorted and Declan glanced at Ronan’s casual hand and Adam’s shoulder pointedly.

“I intend to keep up this relationship as long as Ronan will let me,” Adam answered when it became clear that Declan was still waiting for his answer and Ronan was tensing by his side.

Declan’s lips straightened into a thin line as he studied Adam. Adam studied Declan right back. “Good,” he finally said.

It was then that Matthew appeared with a plate full of chocolate covered strawberries and a halo of golden curls around his head. “Adam!” He greeted cheerfully. “Long time, no see! How have you been, man?”

Adam grinned back at him and Ronan dropped his arm in order to pull away and ruffle his brother’s hair. Surprisingly, Matthew used his free arm to wrap Adam in a sideways hug before joining the small circle they had created.

Still surprised at this level of acceptance right back into the fold, Adam managed to answer, “Pretty good. I work for NASA now and I’ve moved into town.”

“Oh, that means we’ll be seeing more of you! That’s awesome. I’ve missed having you around and I know Ronan has.”

“Matthew,” Ronan warned but Matthew only shrugged.

“What? It’s true. You guys were, like, best friends before the whole break up thing. I’m glad you two have made up.”

“Me too,” Adam agreed honestly and when he looked over at Ronan, he could see the hint of a smile as he attempted glaring at Matthew for whatever reveal of information he had caused. Adam didn’t mind. He liked the idea that Ronan had missed him- not just as a lover but as a friend. Adam had missed Ronan as well.

“I, for one, am fine with it,” Declan announced and Adam’s head swung in his direction. 

“Gee, Declan, I’m so glad you’re fine with it,” Ronan drawled sarcastically. “Whatever would we do without you.”

But Adam was still staring. Declan met his eyes and shrugged as if to say, why not, but also seemed to be challenging him to the idea of doing anything that might make it so that he wasn’t fine with the renewal of their relationship. It was at that moment that Adam understood Declan a little better. He was looking out for his younger brother and Adam had been a threat. But Declan must had believed somehow that Adam was trying not to be.

“I’m sure you would find something heinously terrible to do without my presence,” Declan drawled right back at his brother and just like that the moment was over as his attention was back on Ronan. “Until then, Ashley is waiting for me at the bar.” 

As Adam watched him leave, half impressed and in awe of whatever just happened, he noticed Ashley at the bar. Sure enough, her hips seemed a little wider than usual with a bulge in her belly. She smiled at Declan when he approached and he looped an arm around her waist as he smiled back. Maybe things really had changed in the past five years.

“So,” Matthew said, waggling his eyebrows at them when Adam turned around. “You two friends again or…”

“We’re lovers in the night,” Ronan deadpanned.

Adam snorted and elbowed Ronan in the side. Unfortunately, he was blocked and Ronan’s foot went out to not so subtlety jab him in the foot but Adam carefully maneuvered himself away. During their small tustle, Matthew seemed to grin again.

“Oh, gotcha,” he winked.

Adam was not a betting man, but based on the amused twinkle in his eye, Adam was almost positive he believed them. 

“Right, well Parrish and I have to make speeches soon,” Ronan said, already dragging Adam away by his elbow. Adam laughed and waved at Matthew as Ronan said, “see you later.”

Adam found himself laughing as they joined Blue and Gansey who hugged them for at least the third time that day. Ronan’s speech ended up being surprisingly sentimental and reminiscent and Adam wondered if he had tried sticking the word “fuck” in as an adjective as often as he could. No one seemed to find it funny but those who knew Ronan but that was enough. 

When Adam spoke, he spoke about Blue and her family, late night phone calls, and of Gansey’s strength. When he spoke of love, he glanced at Ronan and raised his glass to the happy couple. The guests followed suit and Ronan raised his glass to Adam.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was a few days before the wedding when Ronan found himself in Adam’s bedroom again. Adam was working on some formulas on his whiteboard for some work thing and Ronan was sprawled across his bed flipping through some of his old course work. It was so much like back at St. Agnes that Ronan longed for the days where he could distract him with a kiss or a snide comment. He itched to lean over and drag Adam down to lay with him. It didn’t even have to be for anything sexual, he just wanted to know what they were to each other or to just take in each other’s presence.

There was a thin line between them and Ronan didn’t know what it would take to cross it. It felt much more than not knowing how to act in a new relationship, it was that he didn’t know what their relationship WAS.

He knew Adam was serious about whatever they were. Ronan was too. But other than one or two dates and a couple kisses, there wasn’t much to define them as anything. 

“What are we doing?” Ronan found himself asking abruptly, the words escaping his mouth.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “I’m trying to solve for-”

“-No, us,” Ronan emphasized and Adam understood. His amusement slipped and he carefully put the lid back onto the Expo marker to set it down. It occurred to Ronan that putting his work aside was a very serious thing for Adam to do.

“What do you want us to be?” Adam asked carefully.

“I asked you first,” Ronan chose to say instead of answering. If he put his heart on the line now, it could never be taken back.

“I meant what I said when I said that I wanted to fix us. But I was the one who fucked up in the first place and so I’m leaving what we are to you. Friends, boyfriends, something in between… whatever you want, I chose you.”

That was new. It had always been the other way around. Ronan had always been filled with so much want that he wasn’t sure that Adam wanted it all. He had always holding back in fear that he wasn’t needed as much as he needed Adam. When they had finally started their a relationship, he hadn’t needed to do that anymore because he knew that Adam was just as lonely and just as needing of love as he was.

After years apart, it was hard to judge the level of passion or want that someone was willing to give and that was the hard part.

Ronan could see the tension in Adam’s posture as if he thought it was possible for Ronan to ever just reject him. It occurred to Ronan that it was possible. Ronan could avoid any pain or the chance a break up could happen again in this very moment. Adam was willing to risk it all for a chance again even when the first time had driven them apart. 

When Ronan thought about it, a future without Adam didn’t look very happy.

Ronan was always one for risks so he shrugged and answered, “Whatever you want.”

He waited for Adam to get it. Adam wanted to fix their relationship and Ronan was allowing him that. Adam grinned and Ronan knew he understood.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The strange thing that happened when a wedding was planned by both Blue and her family, whose goals tended not to fall within any type of social order, and the Gansey’s, whose life revolves around social order, was that things sometimes blended together in ways that traditional weddings often did not have. 

For example, Blue had opted out of having a bouquet of flowers because she said it was ridiculous and originally meant to cover the smell of B.O. which she did not have thank you very much. The Gansey’s social circle that had been invited found it appalling because that meant that there was no tossing of the bouquet. Instead, Orla threw her bouquet in order to balance out the apparent need to see who would be married next. But in the end, she caught her own bouquet and marched back into the room to flirt with the available men that Gansey had invited. Adam caught glimpse of Fredrick looking particularly uncomfortable before managing to worm his way into another group.

It was also extremely hilarious to watch the two families mix. While the Gansey’s and their guests spoke about politics and were very polite, Blue’s family would sometimes say ominous things and tell weird stories about baking. Adam overheard some snippets of a particularly interesting conversation in an argument between Calla and one of Mr. Gansey’s associates who she HAD managed to engage in political conversation with. Last time Adam checked, they were fighting over oil in Syria.

The Gansey’s were conservative. Which meant they didn’t agree with many of Blue’s choices in how the wedding was set up.  
Unfortunately, another result of Blue’s wedding choices she managed to get was that her Maid of Honor was male. Adam, specifically. Which would be no problem except for the fact that the Maid of Honor traditionally danced with the Best Man who was also decidedly male. Ronan, specifically.

This was one tradition that Mrs. Gansey was fine with skipping after learning who the Maid of Honor and Best Man would be, and Adam was fine skipping as well considering at the time of the choice he hadn’t spoken to Ronan in years. But Blue smugly suggested at least keeping some traditions. The dance being one.

Adam was comfortable with his bisexuality. Proud even. While he knew Ronan was a little more private, he also knew that sexuality was not something he was uncomfortable with as well. Blue was supportive, Gansey loved them no matter what, Henry called it a social revolution, and even Mrs. Gansey was fully supportive of their relationship back in high school when they had visited a few times with Gansey.

So when Blue and Gansey began to dance in the center of the room and it became clear Adam and Ronan were supposed to join, Adam offered his hand to Ronan and tilted his head in a challenge. Ronan smirked.

Adam had never really had to slow dance before. He went to a crappy school before Aglionby and Aglionby was an all boys school in which students brought their own fancy dates school dances that Adam did not have time for. Ronan wasn’t much for slow dancing either and college focused more on weird mosh pits and whatever it was that they called dancing. 

That being said, apparently Ronan had been hiding this secret talent the whole time.

Ronan Lynch was graceful as fuck.

Which shouldn’t have been surprising at this point that for some reason Ronan had learned the waltz at some point in his life but Adam almost tripped as Ronan lead them straight into some slow dance pattern like it was second nature.

“Close your mouth, Parrish, you look like a dead fish,” Ronan said, smirking like the insufferable bastard he was, and Adam glared.

“When did you learn how to dance?” Adam hissed as Ronan attempted silently showing him the footing. One foot to the side, then the other, than forward, to the side, together, and then backwards in an endless spinning circle.

“My father taught me,” Ronan answered smoothly. “Said that it would help me woo the ladies.”

Adam snorted. “How is that working out for you?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m a girl, Lynch?” Adam raised an eyebrow and Ronan's smirk would. Not. Go. Away.

“I’m the one leading,” Ronan shrugged, moving them backwards and around in a circle once again.

“Oh, is that what we’re going off of?” Adam asked, leaning in closer to whisper in his ear. “Because I can think of other things I can take the lead in.”

Ronan sputtered away and his foot stumbled out of it’s smooth pattern before he regained himself, face bright red. Blue winked over Gansey’s shoulder at him and now Adam was the one smirking. More people had joined the crowd and Adam found he didn’t really mind or notice any conservative that might have been watching the two men dance with disapproval. Their opinions didn’t matter.

For a brief second, however, he was worried that he had overstepped some bounds with Ronan. Had his intuendo been too far? It never had before but now they were still rebuilding their grounds and Adam was never sure where to step, always instinctually taking the familiar route instead of wondering if the familiar route had changed.

But then Ronan smirked back at him and began to mercilessly change up the stepping pattern without waiting for Adam to catch up, leaving him to hopelessly follow along until he escaped, pulling the two of them back to the table where they could stuff their faces with wedding cake.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Blue had to special order her wedding dress which Ronan found absolutely hilarious. She, on the other hand, did not find his cackling hilarious at all. But somehow they had ended up with Ronan being the one to watch her try on the dress when it arrived from wherever the hell special ordered dresses came from.

The only reason, he told himself, that he was here was because Adam was doing some work thing.  
Ronan never lied but he liked to think he could lie to himself. He knew the truth anyway.

As it turns out, despite all his teasing about her size, her dress was not special ordered because of her height (though Ronan expected that was part of it) but because stores didn't often sell anything other than a sleek elegant white.

Her dress was still white but dyed with various colors of purple and blue. It was short (“Just like you, Maggot”) and flowed around her knees like a waterfall. It was far from traditional but Blue was far from traditional as well. She even had a pair of lilac heels that she had threatened Ronan with multiple times when he asked how much taller it made her. 

“Gansey is going to faint when he sees you,” Ronan said as she twirled around her bedroom.

“He better not.”

"He's not going to be able to speak correctly.”

“When is he ever?” Blue said with a roll of her eyes but Ronan could tell she was blushing.

"I can't wait to see his mother's reaction,” Ronan chortled. “She's expecting an actual goddamn wedding dress.”

“Well, I wasn't going to wear white,” Blue scoffed. “Do you know why the bride always wears white to a wedding? To symbolize her virginity.”

"Definitely don't have any of that,” Ronan smirked and Blue threw her shoe at him.

“Oh, and you do?”

Ronan was still smirking as he leaned back against the wall as he watched her. “Maybe.”

Blue snorted. “No way Adam wouldn't have tapped that ass. Not with the way you guys were all over each other back in high school.”

Ronan flushed. “None of your goddamn business!”

“Oh so you can tease me about having sex but then minute I mention it, your perfect Christian ideals finally start to show up? Or…” she smirked back at him as if she knew something he didn't. “Is it a different subject? An Adam-related subject, maybe?”

“I didn't come over here for you to interrogate me about my love life.”

“Too bad. You're here. And I had to find out from Gansey that you two were back together. Gansey!”

Ronan stayed silent.

“He's happy for you, you know?” She paused before adding, “so am I. You two are good for each other, I think, once you get past the bullshit insecurity thing.”

“I’m not insecure!” Ronan defended.

“The male ego. Such a fragile thing. A thanks-for-supporting-me would be nice.”

"Thanks, Maggot,” Ronan found himself saying genuinely.

“Anytime, Lynch,” Blue rolled her eyes again and poked him in the chest. “But next time I want to hear stuff like this myself, got it? I didn't visit your sorry ass for years for this.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After the wedding, Blue and Gansey got in some weird station wagon looking thing, apparently a Gansey family tradition, that started off towards their apartment where they would grab their bags and head for the airport. They were going to Ecuador for their honeymoon which Adam found interesting but wasn’t too jealous of. Still, Blue was excited and they would use their time to volunteer in the Galápagos Islands which Adam understood was something they both wanted to do; Blue for the nature conservation efforts and Gansey for the scientific phenomenon the Galapagos provided.

When they left the gardens, the rest of the wedding guests milled about for a minute either wondering what to do now or to take advantage of the time they had in the presence of such a powerful American family.

Henry joined Adam and Ronan on a bench they were sitting on as they watched Blue and Gansey’s strange vehicle depart. Adam almost felt bad for Blue considering it would have drive them through half the city in order to reach their apartment. He managed not to feel too bad when he realized what kind of family she had chosen married into.

“Well, lads, I suppose we’re the only bachelors left,” he said, leaning back with his arms stretched across their shoulders. It showed a lot of Ronan’s growth in the past couple years when he didn’t glare or yank himself away. “They’ve gotten Gansey.”

"Actually Henry, you're the only bachelor left, I think,” Adam commented casually.

“What?” Henry asked. “Since when?”

Adam would have thought Blue would have. Or Gansey. Or Henry would have noticed because apparently Adam and Ronan weren’t being very subtle in their new relationship status.

Ronan only had to raise his eyebrow for Henry to get it.

“Oh,” Henry said, realizing he was sitting in the middle of them. He didn’t move. “Oh! Well, thank god, there was some weird tension you two had at Blue’s bachelorette party.”

“We did not,” Adam said indignantly just for the sake of his pride.

“Blame Parrish,” Ronan said at the same time.

Adam felt betrayed. He looked at Ronan incredulously as if to communicate, what the hell, and Ronan shrugged as if saying, it’s not like it isn’t true. Which was fair. 

“I wasn’t the one who-” Adam retorted and found he couldn’t say anything. 

Ronan smirked and Henry laughed. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you two. It isn’t the same, really, without this weird bickering thing you two have got.”

“We’ve been bickering long before we got together,” Adam pointed out.

“I think it’s Ronan’s way of flirting,” Henry winked and Ronan snorted.

“I was fighting with Parrish long before I was flirting.”

“What the hell?” Adam asked with surprise at this new information. “You were flirting?”

"Adam, dear,” Ronan drawled with a roll of his eyes. “I thought we went over this. You don’t just leave a mixtape in someone car for no reason.”

“Mixtape?” Henry asked, delighted. “Do tell.”

“That’s not flirting,” Adam pointed out instead of answering. “Flirting is actually talking to someone. In person. Which you never did because you were an asshole.”

“Fair. Did Gansey flirt with Blue?” Ronan asked contemplatively.

“He probably wooed her with scientific facts.” 

“Hello,” Henry said, snapping his fingers in front of their faces to get their attention back on him. “Mixtape? Ronan made a mixtape?”

“Yeah,” Adam said with amusement. “When we were seventeen. It had six repeats of the murder squash song, some David Bowie, and a couple other artists. It actually wasn’t too bad.”

“Madonna?” Henry asked hopefully and Ronan scoffed. 

“Never in a million years. I actually have taste, unlike you fuckers.”

“Madonna is queen,” Henry argued. “If a mixtape doesn’t have Like A Virgin on it, it’s a waste of time.”

“Well,” Adam said deviously. “It might as well have had that on there. It had the same concept.”

Ronan looked shocked for a second and then it was his turn to give Adam a look of pure incredulousness combined with an embarrassed glow at the tip of his ears. “What the fuck, Parrish.”

Henry looked positively delighted at this turn of events. “Please, tell me more.”

“I think there was a good song by the Foo Fighters,” Adam contemplated just to see if Ronan would stop him. “And Led Zeppelin, I think? All very loud, a hint of romance, but there were some quiet ones. Though there was this softer love song by The Rolling Stones, what was it called again, Ronan?”

“Wild Horses,” Ronan grumbled.

“I liked it,” Adam commented casually.

Henry opened his mouth as if going to say something, obviously knowing what song they were talking about, but Ronan gave him one glare and his mouth closed. “Sounds like some mixtape,” he said instead. “Very romantic.”

"Most of it wasn’t,” Adam admitted. “But Starlight?” His hand went over his heart dramatically. “I was swooning.”

“Muse?” Henry asked happily, clearing having more knowledge in rock bands than Adam would have expected. Adam hadn’t even known most the songs until they had been left for him in his car. He wouldn’t have even known the titles or bands, considering Ronan hadn’t even bothered writing anything but something scribbled on side containing the romantic words “shitmobile sing-along”, if not for the fact that Adam had meticulously transferred the songs to his phone the minute he got it.

"All right, all right,” Ronan grumbled, taking Adam’s arm and dragging him up. He was still bright red and Henry was watching him with a new respect that Adam was sure Ronan did not want in his life. “We get it. I was a pining romantic. We’re going. Cheng.”

“Lynch,” Henry nodded back, still grinning and relaxing on the bench with this new secret.

Adam was dragged away from the scene laughing until they found themselves in Ronan’s car. When Adam glanced over at Ronan, Ronan huffed but let out a small chuckle as well. “Shit, Adam, I didn’t think you listened to that whole thing let alone paid attention to what songs were on it.”

Adam shrugged. “You made it. Of course I paid attention.”

Ronan stared. And then he blinked a swore. “Fuck.”

“It was very nice,” Adam assured him. “And surprisingly subtle. I wouldn’t have even noticed the inclusion of love songs if not for the fact I always noticed those kind of things when it came from you.”

“Fuck,” Ronan said again.

“Let’s get Opal and get out of here?” He suggested.

“Yeah, sure,” Ronan said but he was still watching Adam like he couldn’t believe he was there. It reminded Adam of all those years ago on the Barn’s porch on the night of truth. This was their truth. That Ronan and Adam would always find their way back together.

Adam kissed him on the cheek and then stole Ronan’s phone from his pocket and unlocked it. There had never been a password. 

“What are you doing?” Ronan asked.

“Texting Opal. You told me she has a phone, right?”

“Right,” Ronan agreed, and then he paused as if debating about saying something.

Before he did, taking too long with Adam waiting in case he decided not to, a knock sounded on one of the windows and Ronan unlocked the back doors to let in Opal who immediately kicked off her boots that hid her hooves. “That was fun. Oh, hey Adam.”

“Hey Opal,” Adam said, glancing back at Opal. Casual.

She glanced between him and Ronan before deciding something. “Are you coming home with us?”

Adam looked over at Ronan for guidance. Ronan wasn’t looking at him, already shifting the car into gear and putting his foot on the gas. He was clearly letting Adam answer. Adam thought of their conversation right before the wedding and then shifted his gaze back to Opal in the backseat before asking, “Would you mind if I did?”

“No,” Opal immediately replied. “The Barns misses you.”

“I miss the Barns,” Adam replied.

“So you’re staying?” 

Adam glanced back at the road in front of them and he saw Ronan in corner of his vision. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m staying.”  
Ronan smiled and the car turned in the direction of home.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Adam and Ronan got ready for the wedding together having decided to carpool. It should have been something of an awkward ordeal but through their occasional dates and casual interactions over the week, Ronan found that this fit perfectly under what they should be doing. It wasn’t like back before the breakup, when they had been dating a few months and everything was supposed to work out fine, but it had its own air to it that was hopeful and teasing.

If Ronan had thought Adam was beautiful when he had just woken up, Adam was gorgeous now.

Ronan couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Adam in a suit. Or he could, how could he forget Adam in a suit, but he couldn’t remember how long ago it had been. Five years? Six? That felt that a tragic amount of time wasted when he could have been seeing Adam in a suit for years now.

His suits actually fit now and although they weren’t made out of the same fitting material as Ronan’s, they tapered around his shoulders and fell across his waist in a way that made Adam feel taller. More handsome. Ronan was proud of Adam getting to the point in his life where this was the result.

Ronan actually put effort into his suit today, although he’d scoff if Gansey suggested it, and properly buttoned his jacket and tied his shoes nicely.

Adam let out a low teasing whistle when he saw Ronan causing him to flip him off casually in the mirror, while the other hand adjusted his tie. Adam snorted and approached him until they were both standing within a couple inches of each other with Adam’s hands wrapped around his waist.

“You’d think,” Adam started as Ronan turned around. “That you’d have learned how to tie a goddam tie properly from going to church every week.”

“I know how to tie a tie, Parrish,” Ronan said with a roll of his eyes.

“Mhm,” Adam said. His hands went up to Ronan’s neck to adjust his collar and then reknot the string of blue fabric hanging across his chest. 

Ronan wasn’t sure what to do with the close proximity. What he was sure about was that he knew what he was doing and that his tie had been perfectly fine before. However, he wasn’t going to complain if this is what Adam wanted to do in their free time. 

Adam’s knuckles brushed his neck and Ronan stared at the crease in between Adam’s eyebrows as he focused on what he was doing. When Adam looked up, he blushed when he saw he was being watched. But he also didn’t back down, the distance between them almost nonexistent as they both watched each other, waiting for a next move.

Ronan was the one to move first, placing a hand on Adam’s cheek and drawing him closer until they kissed. It wasn’t the first time they had kissed this week considering that they had kissed both after seeing each other for the first time and after their first date, among a couple other kisses, but Ronan could still feel the pull every single time.

Adam’s fingers ran through the back of Ronan’s short curls softly before he pulled away. “Do you think I can see Opal again? After the wedding?” He asked and Ronan knew he had been wanting to ask for a while.

A short burst of warmth flowed through Ronan when he realized he was asking because Opal was Ronan’s and he respected any decision Ronan would make. Ronan could decide, no, he couldn’t, because who knew if he would leave again, and Adam would accept that and work tirelessly to prove that he would stay. That he was worthy of being in Opal’s life again. 

It wasn’t necessary. They were both giving a hundred and ten percent this time around and were better off for it. And if they did end up breaking up again… what was it Adam had said? Better to have crashed and burned that to not have him in his life at all.

Ronan had the strange and beautiful feeling that that sentiment wasn’t all that necessary either.

“I live at the Barns,” he started, wanting to make sure they got this right. “And you live in DC.”

“It’s only an hour away,” Adam said, and like predicted, Ronan could tell he put some thought into it. His accent was beginning to slip out as he spoke of home. “If you’d let me, I’d be willing to visit. Or you can take Opal down here.”

“If we do this, it’s a trade,” Ronan warned him. “I’m not putting any more effort in than you’re willing to give.”

“This is it for me, Ronan,” Adam said. “I’m giving it my all.”

Ronan’s hand was still on Adam’s cheek, their chests pressed together, and carefully Ronan pulled himself away and into the bedroom. Adam followed and already Ronan could tell he was psyching himself out for a let down. Instead of saying anything, Ronan dug through his jacket pocket and tossed something at Adam with a, “Think fast!”

Adam gracefully caught the small object and stared at it for a minute before turning his stare up at Ronan. “Are you sure?”

Yes. No. But Ronan wanted them to be okay, he wanted them to laugh in a wild car ride, for Adam to sit in his kitchen and help Opal with her homework, he wanted something strong that wouldn’t fall apart the minute one of them began to doubt their relationship and that began with trust. This was the first step.

"No, Parrish, I gave you a key for no fucking reason, of course I’m sure,” Ronan said sarcastically, casual even when his heart was beating with the speed of his engine on the empty Henrietta roads.

Adam grinned and strode forward to kiss Ronan again, deep and happy. “Thank you,” he murmured. “For not hating me. For trusting me again.”

“I never hated you,” Ronan grumbled, but he kissed Adam again anyway before turning away and starting towards the door. “Come on, Parrish, we’ve got a wedding to crash!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading! I know it's been a while since the first two chapters but I got busy and I also wanted to make sure this chapter was perfect. I love it when my Raven children are happy. Thanks for sticking with it! I think this is my longest fanfic yet.
> 
> There are a couple songs mentioned as part of Ronan's mixtape and if you like classic rock or are just curious, feel free to listen to them. I had fun listening to songs I thought he might put on there or deciding on his choice in music that he would share with Adam.
> 
> I'm not sure if it's complicated with the POV and time switches but I felt both sides needed to be told so if it's weird, please tell me so I can italicize the different POVs or something.
> 
> Leave a kudos, comment, or just enjoy it because I know I enjoyed writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Also thanks in advance to any comments made, they never fail to make my day, even if it's just a short "great job" or a long "omg look at how much I like this fic". Seriously, the real kudos belong to commenters.
> 
> The second part is clearly going to be Adam and Ronan getting back together and will be out soon. Stay tuned.


End file.
